<p>Her quiet femininity contrasts with her titanic arms and powerful thighs. (I maxxed out the arm muscularity and arm thickness sliders.) Perplexingly, despite all her muscle mass, she's retained an hourglass figure, which she attributes to a life of wearing belts. She always presents herself with excellence, wearing a meticulously perfected coral monochromatic face of makeup to set off her pale eyes, deep auburn hair, and glassy skin. Through experience, it wears gracefully even through sweat and heat. Her wardrobe is purely functional, consisting entirely of training and ceremonial uniforms, especially those that pair well with belts and scarves. Her favorite colors to wear are orange and jade. </p>
<p>Her quiet femininity contrasts with her titanic arms and powerful thighs. (I maxxed out the arm muscularity and arm thickness sliders.) Perplexingly, despite all her muscle mass, she's retained an hourglass figure, which she attributes to a lifetime of wearing belts. She always presents herself with excellence, wearing a meticulously perfected coral monochromatic face of makeup to set off her pale eyes, deep auburn hair, and glassy skin. Through experience, it wears gracefully even through sweat and heat. Her wardrobe is purely functional, consisting entirely of training and ceremonial uniforms, especially those that pair well with belts and scarves. Her favorite colors to wear are orange and jade. </p>
<p>This entire time, I still had the cough. My husband kept having issues of his own, though, so I would delay any care for myself for his sake. The most extreme was Bell's palsy, which seems an awful lot like a stroke in the moment. Finally, my husband told me to go to the doctor <em>today</em>. Chest x-rays revealed fluid in my lungs, and my doctor called me with urgency in her voice to go to the ER ASAP. Doctors, illness, medicine, (and cancer) is my ultimate phobia, so hearing an emotional doctor like that got my heart pumping. However, when I got to the ER, the doctor massively downplayed the fluid, insisting there was barely any. But he was concerned that my symptoms didn't line up and ran test after test. God bless him for being thorough because he could have sent me home with antibiotics, but he somehow found the masses on my liver and free-floating in my caking based on a chest x-ray and a hunch. It wasn't long until I was formally diagnosed with colon cancer in November 2023. They said I probably have had it for 2 years. </p>
<p>This entire time, I still had the cough. My husband kept having issues of his own, though, so I would delay any care for myself for his sake. The most extreme was Bell's palsy, which seems an awful lot like a stroke in the moment. Finally, my husband told me to go to the doctor <em>today</em>. Chest x-rays revealed fluid in my lungs, and my doctor called me with urgency in her voice to go to the ER ASAP. Doctors, illness, medicine, (and cancer) is my ultimate phobia, so hearing an emotional doctor like that got my heart pumping. However, when I got to the ER, the doctor massively downplayed the fluid, insisting there was barely any. But he was concerned that my symptoms didn't line up and ran test after test. God bless him for being thorough because he could have sent me home with antibiotics, but he somehow found the masses on my liver and free-floating in my caking based on a chest x-ray and a hunch. It wasn't long until I was formally diagnosed with colon cancer in November 2023. They said I probably have had it for 2 years. </p>
<h2>it's just cancer </h2>
<h2>it's just cancer </h2>
<p>My grandmother died from cancer. My mom recently died from cancer. My aunt very recently overcame cancer. It seems like every woman on my mom's side gets cancer, so what hope is there for me? When I was told I have masses, it might as well have been a formal diagnosis. Dad, being the most anxious and overbearing person on earth, called me over and over telling me I will get cancer next and to get tested immediately, so I actually even went to a cancer clinic in January. Ironically, the most they were willing to do was a genetic test and told me to come back for screening when I am middle-aged - when I very likely had cancer right then at the age of 28! Regardless, the paranoia was firmly planted in my head. Every time I had a weird pain in my belly, I got the dull fear it was cancer. It's not like I took the thought that seriously, but it certainly lingered in my mind. It was like this meme that was floating around at the time, but...the painful spots actually were the masses. Again, kinda ironic. </p>
<p>My grandmother died from cancer. My mom recently died from cancer. My aunt very recently overcame cancer. It seems like every woman on my mom's side gets cancer, so what hope is there for me? When I was told I have masses, it might as well have been a formal diagnosis. Dad, being the most anxious and overbearing person on earth, called me over and over telling me I will get cancer next and to get tested immediately, so I actually even went to a cancer clinic in January. Ironically, the most they were willing to do was a genetic test and told me to come back for screening when I am middle-aged - when I very likely had cancer right then at the age of 28!</p>
<p>Regardless, the paranoia was firmly planted in my head. Every time I had a weird pain in my belly, the thought of cancer would pass my mind. I didn't take it seriously, though, because cancer is a little extreme. It was like this meme that was floating around at the time, but...the painful spots actually were the same spots as the masses. Again, kinda ironic. </p>
<img src="/static/img/ent/fuckingdiedisease.jpg" alt="(Meme: I'm Gonna Fucking Die Disease. Symptoms: Tummy hurts a bit too much for a bit too long.)"> <br>
<img src="/static/img/ent/fuckingdiedisease.jpg" alt="(Meme: I'm Gonna Fucking Die Disease. Symptoms: Tummy hurts a bit too much for a bit too long.)"> <br>
<h2>just cancer?? </h2>
<p>So I was primed for the worst news and suddenly confronted with my capital phobia. I was a wreck, right? Strangely, no. </p>
<p>So I was primed for the worst news and suddenly confronted with my capital phobia. I was a wreck, right? Strangely, no. </p>
<p>My pastor had recently given sermons on how Christians ought to rejoice in tribulations as opportunities for spiritual growth. I had read some James and 1 Peter, too, which only reinforce the glory of tribulation. I honestly scoffed that I could ever be that Christian, especially in the context of cancer. It seemed impossible to praise God and thank Him for the day if <em>that</em> ever happened. But of course I don't want to be out of alignment with Scripture, so I prayed for God to search my heart and change it. And He sure flipped my perspective upside-down. </p>
<p>My pastor had recently given sermons on how Christians ought to rejoice in tribulations as opportunities for spiritual growth. I had read some James and 1 Peter, too, which only reinforce the glory of tribulation. I honestly scoffed that I could ever be that Christian, especially in the context of cancer. It seemed impossible to praise God and thank Him for the day if <em>that</em> ever happened. But of course I don't want to be out of alignment with Scripture, so I prayed for God to search my heart and change it. And He sure flipped my perspective upside-down. </p>
<p>I was calm when they found the masses. The Bible already explains why very obviously. Unlike the prolonged fool's mission of healing all my dad's problems, God has obviously placed me square in the middle of cancer for a reason, and if He puts you somewhere, He provides everything you need. He gives me the strength, He gives me the peace, and He gives me countless reasons to praise Him day-in and day-out. Undoubtedly it's impossible to go through tribulations on my own. But if they are God-given and intended for spiritual growth, God will be and has been with me every step of the way. When you are with God, there is nothing to fear. Jesus' yoke is easy, and His burden is light. </p>
<p>I was calm when they found the masses. The Bible already explains why very obviously. Unlike the prolonged fool's mission of healing all my dad's problems, God has obviously placed me square in the middle of cancer for a reason, and if He puts you somewhere, He provides everything you need. He gives me the strength, He gives me the peace, and He gives me countless reasons to praise Him day-in and day-out. Undoubtedly it's impossible to go through tribulations on my own. But if they are God-given and intended for spiritual growth, God will be and has been with me every step of the way. When you are with God, there is nothing to fear. Jesus' yoke is easy, and His burden is light. </p>
gal.append([["AnimeEnding.png","A still from an attempt to emulate the Little Busters ending animation. Man, animating is hard."],["Bless+Rune.png","Rune and his dinosaur mother"],["Blessfrey.png","Emulating old RPG coverart like Elden Gate in mixed media. Don't feel like working on it anymore."],["FlightRising.png","his oc dragon form in FlightRising"],["RuneHeadshot.png","emulating the art style of Battle Girl High School"],["CawfeeCakes_Artfight.png","2022 Artfight attack by CawfeeCakes"],["Teriuuuu_Artfight.png","2020 Artfight attack by Teriuuuu"]])
gal.append([["AnimeEnding.png","A still from an attempt to emulate the Little Busters ending animation. Man, animating is hard."],["Bless+Rune.png","Rune and his dinosaur mother"],["Blessfrey.png","Emulating old RPG coverart like Elden Gate in mixed media. Don't feel like working on it anymore."],["FlightRising.png","his dragon form in FlightRising"],["RuneHeadshot.png","emulating the art style of Battle Girl High School"],["CawfeeCakes_Artfight.png","2022 Artfight attack by CawfeeCakes"],["Teriuuuu_Artfight.png","2020 Artfight attack by Teriuuuu"]])
ifname=="Silke":
ifname=="Silke":
gal.append("Verpets")
gal.append("Verpets")
gal.append([["Silke.png","emulating the art style of Yuu Watase in pixelart"],["Silke_png.png","her face is stuck like that"],["Verpets.png","Silke's sprite in Verpets"],["pets.png","Silke's pets"]])
gal.append([["Silke.png","emulating the art style of Yuu Watase in pixelart"],["Silke_png.png","her face is stuck like that"],["Verpets.png","Silke's sprite in Verpets"],["pets.png","Silke's pets"]])
ifname=="Tessa":
ifname=="Tessa":
gal.append("Blessfrey")
gal.append("Blessfrey")
gal.append([["Tessa.png","Pixelart of Tessa in athletic wear"],["picrew.png","made in あの子がこっちを見ている on Picrew"],["FlightRising.png","her oc dragon form in FlightRising"],["RamblingRoses_Artfight.png","2020 Artfight attack by RamblingRoses"],["Lune_Archon_Artfight.jpeg","2022 Artfight attack by Lune_Archon"],["ElissaKarminakria_Artfight.png","2020 Artfight attack by ElissaKarminakria"],["gemhue_Artfight.png","2020 Artfight attack by gemhue"],["Cyan_moo_Artfight.png","2020 Artfight attack by Cyan_moo"]])
gal.append([["Tessa.png","Pixelart of Tessa in athletic wear"],["picrew.png","made in あの子がこっちを見ている on Picrew"],["FlightRising.png","her dragon form in FlightRising"],["RamblingRoses_Artfight.png","2020 Artfight attack by RamblingRoses"],["Lune_Archon_Artfight.jpeg","2022 Artfight attack by Lune_Archon"],["ElissaKarminakria_Artfight.png","2020 Artfight attack by ElissaKarminakria"],["gemhue_Artfight.png","2020 Artfight attack by gemhue"],["Cyan_moo_Artfight.png","2020 Artfight attack by Cyan_moo"]])
ifname=="WISE":
ifname=="WISE":
gal.append("Blessfrey")
gal.append("Blessfrey")
gal.append([["WISE.png","WISE processing a query"],["CityOfHeroes.png","I made WISE in City of Heroes, too. She's an Electric/Empathy Controller."]])
gal.append([["WISE.png","WISE processing a query"],["CityOfHeroes.png","I made WISE in City of Heroes, too. She's an Electric/Empathy Controller."]])
chimchooree
11 months ago