<p>Since cancer and medical stuff is my specific phobia, I don't want to know all the details of my cancer. I want to understand enough to cooperate with my treatment, but if I knew the stage and all the little details, paranoia and doomscrolling would set in. Frankly, it doesn't really matter to me anyway. It's in God's hands, and He has dissolved massive tumors and He has taken people home during routine procedures. Just as with Job, if even Satan himself is attacking my body, God Himself has set His hand where no threat can pass. If that is my life, praise God, but if that is my soul, I trust His wisdom and will praise Him all my days. If that is not true, Father, please search my heart and change it. </p>
<p>Since cancer and medical stuff is my specific phobia, I don't want to know all the details of my cancer. I want to understand enough to cooperate with my treatment, but if I knew the stage and all the little details, paranoia and doomscrolling would set in. Frankly, it doesn't really matter to me anyway. It's in God's hands, and He has dissolved massive tumors and He has taken people home during routine procedures. Just as with Job, if even Satan himself is attacking my body, God has set His hand where no threat can pass. If that is my life, praise God, but if that is my soul, I trust His wisdom and will praise Him all my days. If that is not true, Father, please search my heart and change it. </p>
<p><em>Then Satan answered the Lord and said, “Skin for skin! All that a man has he will give for his life. But stretch out your hand and touch his bone and his flesh, and he will curse you to your face.” And the Lord said to Satan, “Behold, he is in your hand; only spare his life.” - Job 2:4-6</em> </p>
<p>I'm not entirely naive, though. If I have colon cancer and it has spread to glands on my liver and a few other places in my belly, that is bad. I had plenty of opportunities to catch it earlier, too. When I visited a cancer clinic for voluntary screening after Mom's cancer, they turned me away because I was too young. All the times I felt pretty sick or had a severe cough or had a severe pain in my liver, I could have gone to the doctor instead of minimizing my illness compared to my husband's problems. There was always an excuse, though. A year ago, my mom passed away, so it's just grief! Then three months ago, my dad put me under tremendous stress, so that's why I was so tired and disinterested in any activities! After all this bad timing, I finally caught it three months after I was reaching my lowest point and a year after I started feeling a little down. My husband had reached his limit of seeing me sick and ordered me to the doctor right away, and I was diagnosed within days. </p>
<p>I'm not entirely naive, though. If I have colon cancer and it has spread to glands on my liver and a few other places in my belly, that is bad. I had plenty of opportunities to catch it earlier, too. When I visited a cancer clinic for voluntary screening after Mom's cancer, they turned me away because I was too young. All the times I felt pretty sick or had a severe cough or had a severe pain in my liver, I could have gone to the doctor instead of minimizing my illness compared to my husband's problems. </p>
<p>There was always an excuse, though. A year ago, my mom passed away, so it's just grief! Then three months ago, my dad put me under tremendous stress, so that's why I was so tired and disinterested in any activities! After all this bad timing, I finally caught it three months after I was reaching my lowest point and a year after I started feeling a little down. My husband had reached his limit of seeing me sick and ordered me to the doctor right away, and I was diagnosed within days. </p>
<h2>God provided the right doctors and nurses </h2>
<p>I was diagnosed in the hospital and was kind of subjected to whatever doctor or nurse was in and whatever test was ordered. Admission time is an RNG roll, and I feel like I received the best. I came to the ER doctor for fluid in my lungs, when I barely had any in the first place. He could have sent me home with antibiotics, but he diligently followed my unusual symptoms until he found the cancer. Bless him richly. He is a good doctor. I was quickly matched with an oncologist and a surgeon, both would prove later to be just as excellent. </p>
<p>Then all my nurses were like friends. I think nurses deal with difficult people (they are hurt and sick, after all), so not only should nurses be encouraging to their patients but patients should be a little bit extra encouraging to their nurses. My nurses were easy to love, and I was able to share a little Scripture and a little prayer. God gave me the boost of peace that glowed in the room. One night-shift nurse commented on how I slept with a glow-in-the-dark smile. Another gave me a small gift for praying for her on a particularly busy day. Everyone commented on how peaceful the room was. I think God was working there, and all I had to do was pray for my daily strength and praise Him. </p>
<h2>God provides for my husband </h2>
<p>I don't regret how this played out. God has obviously been carrying me through this, and He can handle a diagnosis at day 1 or day 1000. What is more important is how He has prepared the way for my husband and me. His vantage point is unfathomably vast, but I can see enough to know that we would have been at a disadvantage if the cancer clinic had diagnosed me back in January. </p>
<p>I believe He has prepared the way for my husband and me. His vantage point is unfathomably vast, but I can see enough to know that we would have been at a disadvantage if the cancer clinic had diagnosed me back in January. </p>
<p>My husband is my protector. When I am in danger, he swoops in and saves me or gives me the way out. He also loves me and cares for me with all of his heart. This is true to the point I wonder if it's harder on him to see me with cancer than to go through it himself. He was by my side the entire time in the hospital, sleeping in his jeans in folding chairs, and he has been by my side ceaselessly since I've come home. This is impossible for someone to do while maintaining a job, yet God has worked it all out. </p>
<p>I am a star in his office. I don't work there, and I have no reason to really interact with his coworkers, but I had that bizarre Esther-level favor with them immediately the first time I met them. They were having an informal meeting at a bar. My husband and I don't usually hang out with them, but we decided to since the CEO was in town. They all loved talking to me and were unironically trying to invent a position in the company for me at once. My husband even says they started bringing my "charm" up in meetings. I accompanied my husband to company expos and conferences, and they let me help present their products at their booths. Then when the office Christmas party came, they were more enthusiastic about inviting me than my husband! It's not normal, but that's how favor looked in the book of Esther when God was placing her where she was needed - and my husband needed his coworkers' support. When I got the diagnosis, they showered me with love, with offers to pick up things to bring to the hospital, and with flowers and perfect gifts. Even more, they showered my husband with advice on how to approach our insurance and have given him leave to work from home as much as he needs. They are like a family. But they very well may not have been so supportive if God hadn't been setting this up all year! Praise God's timing. </p>
<p>As a longer-term complementary miracle, how amazing a husband I have. He picked me out of a crowd, so thank God he chose me. God gave me a perfect husband to rely on and be loved by. </p>
<p>I am a star in his office. I don't work there, and I have no reason to really interact with his coworkers, but I had that bizarre Esther-level favor with them immediately the first time I met them. They were having an informal meeting at a bar. My husband and I don't usually hang out with them, but we decided to since the CEO was in town. They all loved talking to me and were unironically trying to invent a position in the company for me at once. My husband even says they started bringing my "charm" up in meetings. I accompanied my husband to company expos and conferences, and they let me help present their products at their booths. Then when the office Christmas party came, they were more enthusiastic about inviting me than my husband! It's not normal, but that's how favor looked in the book of Esther when God was placing her where she was needed - and my husband needed his coworkers' support. </p>
<p>When I got the diagnosis, they showered me with love, with offers to pick up things to bring to the hospital, and with flowers and really cool gifts. Even more, they showered my husband with advice on how to approach our insurance and have given him leave to work from home as much as he needs. They are like a family, and I am so surprised and grateful for their kindness. But they very well may not have been so supportive if God hadn't been setting this up all year! Praise God's timing. </p>
<p>As a longer-term complementary miracle, how amazing a husband I have. He picked me out of a crowd, so thank God he chose me. God gave me a perfect husband to rely on and be loved by. Praise God for him. </p>
<h2>God sent helpers for my husband </h2>
<p>I did not want to be alone in the hospital for one minute. If a doctor came in, I wanted a second ear. If I needed something, I didn't want to rely on overworked nurses. My husband was ready to sacrifice his energy like that, but it's a totally unreasonable expectation for one person. However, God has been working in the background for years to send us family to support us. Usually, my father-in-law lacks seniority to get Christmas and New Year's off, so we celebrate on another day or without him. Traveling from their state to ours is out of the question. This was the year he finally got them off, and they planned on visiting us during the holidays instead of the other way around. (Of course, they only tell us things last-minute, so we had no idea all year.) So, right as my husband needs them, they have all the time off they want and can sit with me or run errands and give my husband much needed relief. Even though they came expecting to relax for Christmas, they were beyond helpful both when dealing with doctors and managing my neglected housechores - like they were my own parents. I felt a little bad for being so boring, but they got to explore my city on their own and have fun anyway, so it worked out. Praise God. </p>
<h2>God provided the right doctors and nurses </h2>
<p>I was diagnosed in the hospital and was kind of subjected to whatever doctor or nurse was in and whatever test was ordered. Admission time is an RNG roll, and I feel like I received the best. I came to the ER doctor for fluid in my lungs, when I barely had any in the first place. He could have sent me home with antibiotics, but he diligently followed my unusual symptoms until he found the cancer. Bless him richly. He is a good doctor. I was quickly matched with an oncologist and a surgeon, both would prove later to be just as excellent. Then all my nurses were like friends. I think nurses deal with difficult people (they are hurt and sick, after all), so not only should nurses be encouraging to their patients but patients should be a little bit extra encouraging to their nurses. My nurses were easy to love, and I was able to share a little Scripture and a little prayer. God gave me the boost of peace that glowed in the room. One night-shift nurse commented on how I slept with a glow-in-the-dark smile. Another gave me a small gift for praying for her on a particularly busy day. Everyone commented on how peaceful the room was. I think God was working there, and all I had to do was pray for my daily strength and praise Him. </p>
<h2>God answered prayer </h2>
<p>After the diagnosis, all my doctors were deliberating the proper treatment. My oncologist was out, so her partner came in with an unoptimistic presentation of treatments. My surgeon was visibly downcast, essentially telling me that my scans resembled someone who is inoperable and even if he could operate, the recovery would take dangerously long. There was no way forward. However, my God is a Way Maker, so I had to go to Him. I prayed with my husband. I called the pastor in to pray. I called my two best friends in to pray. We prayed for a way forward. Then, in the morning, my oncologist came in with confidence, saying we would begin Folfox promptly. I had no side effects, and in fact, all my superficial cancer symptoms disappeared immediately with the first treatment - no fever, no fatigue, no night sweats. My tumor pains even are far less frequent and nowhere near as painful. Even my nocturia decreased a lot after 3 treatments. It's like I get the chemo glow. I blossom with every treatment. Praise God for His grace. </p>
<p>Since cancer and medical stuff is my specific phobia, I don't want to know all the details of my cancer. I want to understand enough to cooperate with my treatment, but if I knew the stage and all the little details, paranoia and doomscrolling would set in. Frankly, it doesn't really matter to me anyway. It's in God's hands, and He has dissolved massive tumors and He has taken people home during routine procedures. Just as with Job, if even Satan himself is attacking my body, God Himself has set His hand where no threat can pass. If that is my life, praise God, but if that is my soul, I trust His wisdom and will praise Him all my days. If that is not true, Father, please search my heart and change it. </p>
<p>Since cancer and medical stuff is my specific phobia, I don't want to know all the details of my cancer. I want to understand enough to cooperate with my treatment, but if I knew the stage and all the little details, paranoia and doomscrolling would set in. Frankly, it doesn't really matter to me anyway. It's in God's hands, and He has dissolved massive tumors and He has taken people home during routine procedures. Just as with Job, if even Satan himself is attacking my body, God has set His hand where no threat can pass. If that is my life, praise God, but if that is my soul, I trust His wisdom and will praise Him all my days. If that is not true, Father, please search my heart and change it. </p>
<p><em>Then Satan answered the Lord and said, “Skin for skin! All that a man has he will give for his life. But stretch out your hand and touch his bone and his flesh, and he will curse you to your face.” And the Lord said to Satan, “Behold, he is in your hand; only spare his life.” - Job 2:4-6</em> </p>
<p>I'm not entirely naive, though. If I have colon cancer and it has spread to glands on my liver and a few other places in my belly, that is bad. I had plenty of opportunities to catch it earlier, too. When I visited a cancer clinic for voluntary screening after Mom's cancer, they turned me away because I was too young. All the times I felt pretty sick or had a severe cough or had a severe pain in my liver, I could have gone to the doctor instead of minimizing my illness compared to my husband's problems. There was always an excuse, though. A year ago, my mom passed away, so it's just grief! Then three months ago, my dad put me under tremendous stress, so that's why I was so tired and disinterested in any activities! After all this bad timing, I finally caught it three months after I was reaching my lowest point and a year after I started feeling a little down. My husband had reached his limit of seeing me sick and ordered me to the doctor right away, and I was diagnosed within days. </p>
<p>I'm not entirely naive, though. If I have colon cancer and it has spread to glands on my liver and a few other places in my belly, that is bad. I had plenty of opportunities to catch it earlier, too. When I visited a cancer clinic for voluntary screening after Mom's cancer, they turned me away because I was too young. All the times I felt pretty sick or had a severe cough or had a severe pain in my liver, I could have gone to the doctor instead of minimizing my illness compared to my husband's problems. </p>
<p>There was always an excuse, though. A year ago, my mom passed away, so it's just grief! Then three months ago, my dad put me under tremendous stress, so that's why I was so tired and disinterested in any activities! After all this bad timing, I finally caught it three months after I was reaching my lowest point and a year after I started feeling a little down. My husband had reached his limit of seeing me sick and ordered me to the doctor right away, and I was diagnosed within days. </p>
<h2>God provided the right doctors and nurses </h2>
<p>I was diagnosed in the hospital and was kind of subjected to whatever doctor or nurse was in and whatever test was ordered. Admission time is an RNG roll, and I feel like I received the best. I came to the ER doctor for fluid in my lungs, when I barely had any in the first place. He could have sent me home with antibiotics, but he diligently followed my unusual symptoms until he found the cancer. Bless him richly. He is a good doctor. I was quickly matched with an oncologist and a surgeon, both would prove later to be just as excellent. </p>
<p>Then all my nurses were like friends. I think nurses deal with difficult people (they are hurt and sick, after all), so not only should nurses be encouraging to their patients but patients should be a little bit extra encouraging to their nurses. My nurses were easy to love, and I was able to share a little Scripture and a little prayer. God gave me the boost of peace that glowed in the room. One night-shift nurse commented on how I slept with a glow-in-the-dark smile. Another gave me a small gift for praying for her on a particularly busy day. Everyone commented on how peaceful the room was. I think God was working there, and all I had to do was pray for my daily strength and praise Him. </p>
<h2>God provides for my husband </h2>
<p>I don't regret how this played out. God has obviously been carrying me through this, and He can handle a diagnosis at day 1 or day 1000. What is more important is how He has prepared the way for my husband and me. His vantage point is unfathomably vast, but I can see enough to know that we would have been at a disadvantage if the cancer clinic had diagnosed me back in January. </p>
<p>I believe He has prepared the way for my husband and me. His vantage point is unfathomably vast, but I can see enough to know that we would have been at a disadvantage if the cancer clinic had diagnosed me back in January. </p>
<p>My husband is my protector. When I am in danger, he swoops in and saves me or gives me the way out. He also loves me and cares for me with all of his heart. This is true to the point I wonder if it's harder on him to see me with cancer than to go through it himself. He was by my side the entire time in the hospital, sleeping in his jeans in folding chairs, and he has been by my side ceaselessly since I've come home. This is impossible for someone to do while maintaining a job, yet God has worked it all out. </p>
<p>I am a star in his office. I don't work there, and I have no reason to really interact with his coworkers, but I had that bizarre Esther-level favor with them immediately the first time I met them. They were having an informal meeting at a bar. My husband and I don't usually hang out with them, but we decided to since the CEO was in town. They all loved talking to me and were unironically trying to invent a position in the company for me at once. My husband even says they started bringing my "charm" up in meetings. I accompanied my husband to company expos and conferences, and they let me help present their products at their booths. Then when the office Christmas party came, they were more enthusiastic about inviting me than my husband! It's not normal, but that's how favor looked in the book of Esther when God was placing her where she was needed - and my husband needed his coworkers' support. When I got the diagnosis, they showered me with love, with offers to pick up things to bring to the hospital, and with flowers and perfect gifts. Even more, they showered my husband with advice on how to approach our insurance and have given him leave to work from home as much as he needs. They are like a family. But they very well may not have been so supportive if God hadn't been setting this up all year! Praise God's timing. </p>
<p>As a longer-term complementary miracle, how amazing a husband I have. He picked me out of a crowd, so thank God he chose me. God gave me a perfect husband to rely on and be loved by. </p>
<p>I am a star in his office. I don't work there, and I have no reason to really interact with his coworkers, but I had that bizarre Esther-level favor with them immediately the first time I met them. They were having an informal meeting at a bar. My husband and I don't usually hang out with them, but we decided to since the CEO was in town. They all loved talking to me and were unironically trying to invent a position in the company for me at once. My husband even says they started bringing my "charm" up in meetings. I accompanied my husband to company expos and conferences, and they let me help present their products at their booths. Then when the office Christmas party came, they were more enthusiastic about inviting me than my husband! It's not normal, but that's how favor looked in the book of Esther when God was placing her where she was needed - and my husband needed his coworkers' support. </p>
<p>When I got the diagnosis, they showered me with love, with offers to pick up things to bring to the hospital, and with flowers and really cool gifts. Even more, they showered my husband with advice on how to approach our insurance and have given him leave to work from home as much as he needs. They are like a family, and I am so surprised and grateful for their kindness. But they very well may not have been so supportive if God hadn't been setting this up all year! Praise God's timing. </p>
<p>As a longer-term complementary miracle, how amazing a husband I have. He picked me out of a crowd, so thank God he chose me. God gave me a perfect husband to rely on and be loved by. Praise God for him. </p>
<h2>God sent helpers for my husband </h2>
<p>I did not want to be alone in the hospital for one minute. If a doctor came in, I wanted a second ear. If I needed something, I didn't want to rely on overworked nurses. My husband was ready to sacrifice his energy like that, but it's a totally unreasonable expectation for one person. However, God has been working in the background for years to send us family to support us. Usually, my father-in-law lacks seniority to get Christmas and New Year's off, so we celebrate on another day or without him. Traveling from their state to ours is out of the question. This was the year he finally got them off, and they planned on visiting us during the holidays instead of the other way around. (Of course, they only tell us things last-minute, so we had no idea all year.) So, right as my husband needs them, they have all the time off they want and can sit with me or run errands and give my husband much needed relief. Even though they came expecting to relax for Christmas, they were beyond helpful both when dealing with doctors and managing my neglected housechores - like they were my own parents. I felt a little bad for being so boring, but they got to explore my city on their own and have fun anyway, so it worked out. Praise God. </p>
<h2>God provided the right doctors and nurses </h2>
<p>I was diagnosed in the hospital and was kind of subjected to whatever doctor or nurse was in and whatever test was ordered. Admission time is an RNG roll, and I feel like I received the best. I came to the ER doctor for fluid in my lungs, when I barely had any in the first place. He could have sent me home with antibiotics, but he diligently followed my unusual symptoms until he found the cancer. Bless him richly. He is a good doctor. I was quickly matched with an oncologist and a surgeon, both would prove later to be just as excellent. Then all my nurses were like friends. I think nurses deal with difficult people (they are hurt and sick, after all), so not only should nurses be encouraging to their patients but patients should be a little bit extra encouraging to their nurses. My nurses were easy to love, and I was able to share a little Scripture and a little prayer. God gave me the boost of peace that glowed in the room. One night-shift nurse commented on how I slept with a glow-in-the-dark smile. Another gave me a small gift for praying for her on a particularly busy day. Everyone commented on how peaceful the room was. I think God was working there, and all I had to do was pray for my daily strength and praise Him. </p>
<h2>God answered prayer </h2>
<p>After the diagnosis, all my doctors were deliberating the proper treatment. My oncologist was out, so her partner came in with an unoptimistic presentation of treatments. My surgeon was visibly downcast, essentially telling me that my scans resembled someone who is inoperable and even if he could operate, the recovery would take dangerously long. There was no way forward. However, my God is a Way Maker, so I had to go to Him. I prayed with my husband. I called the pastor in to pray. I called my two best friends in to pray. We prayed for a way forward. Then, in the morning, my oncologist came in with confidence, saying we would begin Folfox promptly. I had no side effects, and in fact, all my superficial cancer symptoms disappeared immediately with the first treatment - no fever, no fatigue, no night sweats. My tumor pains even are far less frequent and nowhere near as painful. Even my nocturia decreased a lot after 3 treatments. It's like I get the chemo glow. I blossom with every treatment. Praise God for His grace. </p>
<p>Blessfrey.me is a project in itself, a blog coded from scratch in <a href="https://bottlepy.org/docs/dev/">Bottle: Python</a>, <a href="https://bottlepy.org/docs/dev/stpl.html">SimpleTemplate</a>, and HTML+CSS. Any embedded applications are probably HTML5. </p>
<p>My notes have citations from the Bible, sermons, academic texts, nonacademic sources, and my own thoughts. These are just study notes and personal summaries, so trust it as much as a mini-Wikipedia without peer review. </p>
<p>Blessfrey.me uses LazyWiki, lazy linking wiki software developed by my husband in Bottlepy. This wiki is so lazy, it doesn't insert the links until the page loads. It takes more processing power (it's slow, sorry), but it enables a single person to maintain the wiki without inserting all the links manually. </p>
<p>Most topics are related to Scripture or cooking. </p>
<p>Blessfrey.me uses LazyWiki, personal wiki software with lazy linking. All wiki links are automatically generated, meaing this wiki is so lazy, it doesn't insert the links until that exact moment you are loading the page. This takes some processing power, but it enables a single person to maintain a wiki while worrying only about article writing, not the links. </p>
<p>Developed by my husband in Bottlepy for me while we were dating. :) </p>
<hr>
<p>Also, if you are looking for my Japanese learning guide, <a href="/japanese">here it is</a>.
chimchooree
11 months ago