diary

Merge branch 'master' of https://git.socklab.moe/chimchooree/blessfrey-bottle
2025-02-07 15:04:35 -06:00 · 2025-02-06 14:32:18 -06:00 · 2025-01-08 13:04:04 -06:00 · 2025-01-08 13:03:47 -06:00 · 2025-01-08 01:16:26 -06:00 · 2025-01-06 20:26:27 -06:00
43 changed files with 515 additions and 370 deletions
@@ -1,131 +0,0 @@
 <!--200810,200512-->
 <h1>Garden Sphere </h1>
 #health #personal #book-review<br>
 <br>
 	<p>Heads up! Spoiling the novel <i>Sister Carrie</i> by Theodore Dreiser (1900).</p>
 	<p>FOLFIRI is so isolating. Unlike FOLFOX's 2-day recovery period, FOLFIRI has me dragging for over a week with a relentless combination of fatigue, pain, and moodiness. Without being able to go anywhere or handle anything too taxing, my world's contracted into a tight, inward world orbiting the chemo spa and mild pleasures. This really isn't like me.  </p>
 <h2>Alone Together </h2>
    <p>In 2017, ガンガンONLINE published a cute little manga series called <i>Garden Sphere</i>. (And, oh, how I'd love to cosplay Princess Shukuru and Prince Rou with my husband.♥) The title refers to the secluded castle they retreat into to negotiate a political marriage and end the national conflict between their people. War cannot reach them there, and no one intrudes on them but a skeleton crew of family servants. They are too young to understand politics, so they mostly have playdates and do fittings for their cute wedding clothes. It's shallow, but it's sweet. </p>
    <center><img src="/static/img/ent/Garden-Sphere.png" alt="(image: A scan from Garden Sphere. Princess Shukuru and Prince Rou are so cute. She's a little horned girl with messy long hair and an adorable ruffled lolita dress, and Rou is one of those animal ear boys who also has visible human ears. In the text, they are agreeing to have a pretend marriage.)" width="500" height="440"></center> <br>
 	<p>This idea of a “garden sphere” resonates with me, where everything collapses into a small, comforting world curtained off from serious issues. Not just now because I'm really struggling with cancer lately, but always. Even as a kid. </p>
 	<p>Every work of fiction has--or should have--a narrowed focus, edited under the governance of theme and character. Even grand epics with sprawling settings will carve out intimate spaces: the sanctuary of home, a confidant's embrace, or a moment of introspection that shuts out the storm. These spaces are grounding for the narrative and characters and bring a break in tension. </p>
 	<p>These secluded worlds always draw me in, especially those with restricted access, designed to be sanctuaries of personal nurturing. Growing up, I cultivated my own garden sphere, a realm of imagination and contemplation, guarded by a reserved exterior. Few entered, but those who did are special friends. </p>
 	<p>Some favorites come to mind: the Velvet Room in <i>Persona</i>, the towers in <i>Code Lyoko</i>, the Room of Requirement in <i>Hogwarts Legacy</i> (sorry Harry Potter people, I only know the game lol), and Ryan Gosling's AI girlfriend in <i>Blade Runner 2049</i>. Spaces like guild halls in <i>Guild Wars</i> and runecrafting altars in <i>RuneScape</i> give that sense of being whisked away to a private space only you and your friends can enter. It's more fun when that secret world is tied to a physical artifact, like the Modron Cube in <i>Planescape: Torment</i>. </p>
 	<p>There are a few from my childhood, too. I ran away from home a lot (lol) and haunted the few spaces that felt safe and empty - a wedding chapel in the woods that was never locked, a strangely unused house in my neighborhood, and the unlit sanctuary of a church by my school. My childhood writing is dominated by scenes like this, periodically taking a character or two out of the scene and setting them on some island to play out their solitude. It's probably a disassociative misanthropic tendency of mine, but whatever. I just crave hiding places. </p>
 <h2>Cancer's Small World </h2>
 <p>I prefer a simple kind of life with fewer people and things. It's not like I'm not impulsive - I never grew out of lust for opportunities for urban exploration and day trips by myself when I can get away with it, but I trend towards depth in my interests rather than a pursuit of whatever flashes in front of me. </p>
 <p>Further, cancer's bred a superstition in me, that excitement, any stress, sabotages my body and wastes precious recovery energy. Eustress is still stress, no? And with chemo fog, my head churns like a slow computer. I always preserved my garden sphere, but now it's such a small, almost childishly shallow. Lounging and enjoying simple pleasures is not the life I've ever felt comfortable with. It's just not what I've ever allowed for myself. But what else can I do when my body and mind are so fragile? </p>
 <p>Straight out of the hospital, I marathoned Kitchen Nightmares to an extreme. I don't think I'm alone. The Youtube comments are full of hospital patients and people watching with dying relatives. Gordon Ramsay has perfected braindead TV. Any random episode is a safe bet--only a handful of employees to remember, a villain of the week, and gross-out humor. Nothing's so bad it can't be resolved with a coat of white paint, tiny pretentious burgers, and a quick heart-to-heart confrontation. This is truly the epitome of garden sphere reality cable. </p>
    <center><img src="/static/img/ent/PET.png" alt="(image: A PET scan comparison. My brain is pale in the December 29, 2023, scan, while it is very dark in the August 2, 2024 scan." width="500" height="124"></center> <br>
 <p>(I'm not kidding when I say braindead lol. Look at my old PEt scans. Dark areas indicate areas with good glucose intake. So obviously, that would be your brain, tumors, and digestive track. Out of the hospital, my tumors were eating so much of my glucose, my brain was barely showing up in the scan. Crazy. You can see the healthy dark color after a year of chemo, though, so I got better.)
 <p>As I've gotten better, my tolerance for media's marginally improved. I graduated to doll webisodes, MMO private servers, but no real literature. It's a sharp drop from Etidorpha, the Bhagavata Purana, and the church fathers I was reading right before my health decline. Chemo fog is thick as roux to cut through. It's awful. I just can't read anymore. That said, at the end of November, I finally managed to finish a book for the first time in over a year: <a href="https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/233">Sister Carrie</a>. </p>
 <h2>Gilded Cage </h2>
 <p>Reading the 500-page Sister Carrie in a few days flooded me with optimism, but following with Père Goriot evaporated every little bit again. Honoré de Balzac immediately inflicts me with immense fatigue, like reading in my second language underwater. Balzac is too much for now. </p>
 <p>Not to undermine Dreiser's latent skill in governing plotting and character arcs under his theme, but Sister Carrie's characters and world are as claustophobically narrow as my own. She practically only interacts with 1 to 2 characters per arc and spends most of the novel in her apartment, admiring clothes or men. What a coincidence that the only book I can read is in the garden sphere genre. I read the original heavily censored version, too, no less. </p>
 <p>I don't compromise myself. Yet Carrie can take $20 and turn it into a gilded cage. She was letting Drouet stake his claim in the most primal way possible, too, ensuring her attachment. The dark mirror aspect of Dreiser's writing - taking a character who shares a similar life to me, let made every bad decision possible - is a staple of my gross interest in his writing, and Carrie is no exception. </p>
 <p>Carrie only cares about shopping for pretty clothes and having her ear tickled. Freshly 18 and moving to the city without any plans, she's quickly snagged by Drouet, a smooth and well-dressed salesman with money enough to shower her in whatever baubles she desires. He's dirty, probably a man in his late 20s or early 30s, targeting pretty but clueless young women like it's a game. He undoubtedly has a pet girl in each city for pleasure during his business trips, and a harem of hollaback girls besides. During Carrie's second meeting with Drouet, he gives her the equivalent of something like $600, enough to secure a tasteful and lasting outfit while squirreling away the rest for rent and food. Yet she blows it all on an overly trendy coat that won't last the season. During their third interaction, she takes his advice about ghosting her family and moves in with him. She gives up everything for nothing. </p>
 <p>Young, single girls in unfamilar towns can live off of the kindness of strangers, at least from my experience. With her natural charm, Carrie could secure a rogue's gallery of harmless, overeager boys; accept simple gifts; and walk away with her independence. If you need that leg up, you shouldn't trust anyone entirely, and you never let a man buy you. Drouet was charming and kind, but his brand of help comes with too many binding strings. Even if I'm starving, I'm not easy, nor a beggar. I'll refuse offers unless a boy's sweet earnestness becomes rude to ignore. An extravagant gift is a hard no. I'll be homeless before I let a man own me. Even when I was only getting money through excessively inconsistent freelance writing and going out with rich brats, I concealed my situation and split bills. Call it pride or stubbornness, but I carve out my own life. I had bad experiences growing up anyway, so the lesson of trust came slowly to me. </p>
 <p>Of course, none of these guys in my life stuck around, no matter how kind or how great our chemistry was. They were shallow, not looking for a deep relationship. They just want to make a girl smile, show her off to a few friends, then disappear, never entering my garden sphere. I wasn't looking for a boyfriend anyway, so it suited me. No boy deserves to be tied up in my messy life. I  was content to play surrogate girlfriend in exchange for charity and good advice, then break without ties, advancing along my path. </p>
 <p>Carrie wasn't looking for a proper relationship, either. She never knows love, only longing for a higher standard of dress, dining, and entertainment. Despite Drouet, she easily becomes infatuated with Hurstwood, an even older but more clever and moneyed man. The two men fight over her, catching her between Drouet's condescension and Hurstwood's manipulation. When she goes to play wife for Hurstwood, she is trapped in his apartment in a new city without a friend of any kind. He's a monster, concealing his other marriage, kidnapping her under false pretense, and expecting gratitude for it all. </p>
 <p>Even when she moves on to Ames, an apparently deeper and more supportive boyfriend, their relationship is no different. Only, instead of the level of luxuries they share, it's built on the level of art and literature they share. Even if his impulse guides her into independence, he's just another passing step towards longing for happiness she may never feel. The shallow infatuation remains, him admiring her more as a muse than a partner. The manipulation remains, him pushing her into acting then specifically comedy-drama. </p>
 <h2>My Own Gilded Cage </h2>
 <p>Despite the monotonous cycles of fruitlessly walking the streets in search of work, letting men use her, and refining her blossoming charm, I couldn't put the book down. </p>
 <p>Even if the first half was spent in Drouet's apartment with a boy who stopped taking Carrie out after the honeymoon period, and the second half was spent in Hurstwood's, when he never took her out at all. Somewhere in the middle, I realized I knew the same monotony. Wanting to leave the house but barely being able to leave the bed is the same cage. It's even gilded a bit, with snacks and craft projects and all the gifts people have given me, but it's an aggressively small world. </p>
 <p>Sister Carrie's characters are shallow and easy to critique, much like any Kitchen Nightmares cast. Although the narrative is dramatic, the dangers are easily identified and long periods of inactivity subdue the monsters into something manageable. Carrie's boyfriends are few and never entirely leave her life, either, lingering like ghosts until time to pop up again. </p>
 <h2>Carrie's Garden Sphere </h2>
 <p>In a magical part near the end, Drouet appears out of nowhere, hoping to weedle his control back over the newly rich and famous Carrie, prettier than ever. He finangles Carrie into a dinner date, and for a moment, she falls for his old charms. Really, Dreiser brings him in to reveal all Hurstwood's secrets before an unexpected confrontation with him, but this is an archetypal scene to me and dreamy to read. </p>
 <p>To be at the end of a long, dreary novel; after such hurtful drama against you; and to be reunited in the end with a villain whom you can't strongly fear anymore... After all, what was Drouet's crime? Being shallow? He's done wrong, but others have done worse. Carrie could even credit him for having coining the stage name that started her career in a way. It's all a wash in the end. </p>
 <p>Honestly, I have this feeling like I'm very, very old, like an immortal at the end of a lifetime. Like I've been on so many adventures, probably more than most people who grew up with stable households and curfews and a healthy fear for their lives, but that chapter's long closed. I have a very good husband and a very good community now. Maybe it's not forever, who knows?, but I don't want to mess with what I have. </p>
 <p>Still, I grow terribly attached to those precious few who stubbornly remain in my little garden sphere of life. If I lost everyone, after so much time, I'd rather be strange bedfellows with a villain like Drouet. He's shown me every part of his villainy, and I've already developed every defense against it. Rather him than a seemingly kind stranger like Ames with who knows what lurking in his depths. Besides, I would think even a very antagonistic sort of villain, after so long, would surely have developed some sort of mutual respect or common ground after a while. I've mostly had bad people in my life, and I'd like to think they should become more like a bittersweet comfort, an old thorn dulled by time. </p>
 <p>Of course, not every weed in my garden is worth letting bloom. Hurstwood has an undercurrent of violence to him, and unlike Drouet who had a touch of magnamity and care for Carrie's well-being, Hurstwood is an entitlement elemental. He's a danger against which there is no defense, even at the height of Carrie's fame and fortune. True villains like that must never enter my little space. And he never really did enter Carrie's, either, not like Drouet had. </p>
 <h2>Overall Review of Sister Carrie </h2>
 <p>I went in blind, as An American Tragedy is one of my favorite books. I didn't know this was Dreiser's first novel, nor that it was brutally censored. It feels like I'm missing crucial scenes, like the censored version of <a href="https://store.steampowered.com/app/12310/Culpa_Innata/">Culpa Innata</a>. Dreiser surely wouldn't miss Drouet luring Carrie into his bed and her growing awareness of her power, given his gritty depictions of the destructive nature of lust and ambition in his later works. I've heard the unexpurgated edition includes all the risque details you would expect from his unvarnished realism. Of course, Dreiser is never lurid, just unflinching. </p>
 <o>With its teeth clipped, I'm definitely missing out on Drouet's scoundral. Worse, Margaret Sanger's birth control was yet to catch on in the 1900s, so the novel's also missing just how close Carrie was to unraveling her whole world. (Not that I support birth control, but still.) Dreiser lays this exploitation open bare in Roberta's case in An American Tragedy. Left is Dreiser's crude early writing, circling the drain of isolation and despair with dull company. </p>
 <p>Yet I adore this book. The ending is absolutely magical, the way Dreiser binds off his character arcs, looping each through each other, in a sequence of deliberate moves. Honestly, it forgives any sins along the way. </p>
 <p>An American Tragedy is so dear to me because I read slowly and at the same life stages as Clyde. I left home with him, made my first friends with him, started dating with him, looked for work with him, got into a serious relationship with him. Even our holidays lined up. Clyde was like that dark mirror to look into when I had time to read. I suppose when I look back, Sister Carrie will hold the same weight with me, accompanying the same cage I was in 2024. Dreiser novels are so intimate. Maybe whenever I become a cold-blooded Wall Street investor and railroad tycoon, I'll read his Trilogy Desire to chase that feeling again. </p>
 <h2>Anyway...</h2>
 <p>Maybe I'm a bad person, having stuff like this inside. </p>
 <p>Shallow pleasures... </p>
 <p><pre><code>All streams run to the sea,
    but the sea is not full;
 to the place where the streams flow,
    there they flow again.
 All things are full of weariness;
    a man cannot utter it;
 the eye is not satisfied with seeing,
    nor the ear filled with hearing.
 -Ecclesiastes 1:7-8 </pre></code></p>
 <p>Even pursuing the deeper things in life, so much of it is yet more shallow pleasures... </p>
 <p><pre><code>I the Preacher have been king over Israel in Jerusalem. And I applied my heart to seek and to search out by wisdom all that is done under heaven. It is an unhappy business that God has given to the children of man to be busy with. I have seen everything that is done under the sun, and behold, all is vanity and a striving after wind.
 -Ecclesiastes 1:12-14 </pre></code></p>
 I said in my heart, “Come now, I will test you with pleasure; enjoy yourself.” But behold, this also was vanity. I said of laughter, “It is mad,” and of pleasure, “What use is it?” ... And whatever my eyes desired I did not keep from them. I kept my heart from no pleasure, for my heart found pleasure in all my toil, and this was my reward for all my toil. Then I considered all that my hands had done and the toil I had expended in doing it, and behold, all was vanity and a striving after wind, and there was nothing to be gained under the sun.
 -Ecclesiastes 2:1-2; 2:10-11
 I hated all my toil in which I toil under the sun, seeing that I must leave it to the man who will come after me, 19 and who knows whether he will be wise or a fool? Yet he will be master of all for which I toiled and used my wisdom under the sun. This also is vanity. 
 -Ecclesiastes 2:18-19
 Yet,
 There is nothing better for a person than that he should eat and drink and find enjoyment in his toil. This also, I saw, is from the hand of God, for apart from him who can eat or who can have enjoyment? For to the one who pleases him God has given wisdom and knowledge and joy, but to the sinner he has given the business of gathering and collecting, only to give to one who pleases God. This also is vanity and a striving after wind.
 -Ecclesiastes 2:24-26
 For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:
 ...
 a time to break down, and a time to build up;
 a time to weep, and a time to laugh;
 a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
 a time to seek, and a time to lose;
 -Ecclesiastes 3:1,3,4,6
 I said in my heart with regard to the children of man that God is testing them that they may see that they themselves are but beasts. 19 For what happens to the children of man and what happens to the beasts is the same; as one dies, so dies the other. They all have the same breath, and man has no advantage over the beasts, for all is vanity.[b] 20 All go to one place. All are from the dust, and to dust all return. 21 Who knows whether the spirit of man goes upward and the spirit of the beast goes down into the earth? 22 So I saw that there is nothing better than that a man should rejoice in his work, for that is his lot. Who can bring him to see what will be after him?
 -Ecclesiastes 3:18-22
 <p>Anyway. </p>
@@ -0,0 +1,105 @@
 <!--241110,240506-->
 <h1>Garden Sphere </h1>
 #health #personal #book-review<br>
 <br>
 	<p><i>Heads up! Spoiling the novel <a href="https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/233"><i>Sister Carrie</i> by Theodore Dreiser (1900)</a>.</i></p>
 	<p>FOLFIRI is so isolating. Unlike FOLFOX's 2-day recovery period, FOLFIRI has me dragging for over a week with an awful mix of fatigue, pain, and moodiness. Without being able to go anywhere or handle anything too taxing, my world's contracted into a tight, inward world orbiting the chemo spa and mild pleasures. This really isn't like me. I kind of hate it. I don't want to be on FOLFIRI anymore... </p>
 <h2>Alone Together </h2>
    <p>In 2017, <a href="https://www.ganganonline.com/">ガンガンONLINE</a> published a cute little manga series called <i>Garden Sphere</i>. (And, oh, how I'd love to cosplay Princess Shukuru and Prince Rou with my husband.♥) The title refers to the secluded castle they retreat into to negotiate a political marriage and end the national conflict between their people. War cannot reach them there, and no one intrudes on them but a skeleton crew of family servants. They are too young to understand politics, so they mostly have playdates and do fittings for their cute wedding clothes. It's Konno-san's first manga, so even though it's shallow, it's really sweet and has adorable illustrations. </p>
    <center><img src="/static/img/ent/Garden-Sphere.png" alt="(image: A scan from Garden Sphere. Princess Shukuru and Prince Rou are so cute. She's a little horned girl with messy long hair and an adorable ruffled lolita dress, and Rou is one of those animal ear boys who also has visible human ears. In the text, they are agreeing to have a pretend marriage.)" width="500" height="440"></center> <br>
 	<p>This idea of a “garden sphere” resonates with me, where everything collapses into a small, comforting world curtained off from serious issues. Not just now because I'm really struggling with cancer lately, but always. Even as a kid. </p>
 	<p>Every work of fiction has--or should have--a narrowed focus, edited under the governance of theme and character. Even grand epics with sprawling settings will carve out little intimate spaces: the sanctuary of home, a confidant's embrace, or a moment of introspection that shuts out the storm. These spaces are grounding and break the tension. </p>
 		<p>Some favorites come to mind: the Velvet Room in <i>Persona</i>, the towers in <i>Code Lyoko</i>, the Room of Requirement in <i>Hogwarts Legacy</i> (sorry Harry Potter people, I only know the game lol), and Ryan Gosling's relationship with his AI girlfriend in <i>Blade Runner 2049</i>. Spaces like guild halls in <i>Guild Wars</i> and runecrafting altars in <i>RuneScape</i> give that sense of being whisked away to a private space only you and your friends can enter. It's more fun when that secret world is tied to a physical artifact, like the Modron Cube in <i>Planescape: Torment</i>. </p>
 	<p>These secluded worlds always draw me in, especially those with restricted access. They are like sanctuaries of personal nurturing. Growing up, I cultivated my own garden sphere, my inner world of contemplation and imagination. I was a very private person. I don't really have any lifelong friends or family who have always hung in there, besides a very few. And I'm awkward about expressing it outwardly, but I really love them and find them very special. </p>
 	<p>There are a few physical spaces from my childhood, too. </p>
 	<p>I ran away from home a lot (lol) and haunted the few spaces that felt safe and empty. There was a strangely unused house in my neighborhood that I spent a lot of time at. If I needed to make any private phone calls, I took them in the garage there, like the time I ordered a corsage for prom. They were so quiet and dark. My parents couldn't bother me there. Whenever my husband-then-boyfriend-at-the-time moved here, I tried to find it to show him, but I couldn't recognize it. So much was the same, but the strangely abandoned house is no longer mine. There were other places, too. I knew all the unused rooms at church and school that no one ever checked. But that house was my favorite. </p>
 	<p>My childhood writing is dominated by spaces like this, periodically taking a character or two out of the scene and setting them in some isolated pocket world to play out their solitude. </p>
 	<p>I probably have some disassociative misanthropic disorder, but whatever. I just crave hiding places. </p>
 <h2>Cancer's Small World </h2>
 <p>I prefer a simple kind of life with fewer people and things. It's not like I'm not impulsive - I never grew out of lust for opportunities for urban exploration and day trips by myself when I can get away with it, but I trend towards depth in my interests rather than a pursuit of whatever flashes in front of me. </p>
 <p>Further, cancer's bred a superstition in me, that excitement, any stress, sabotages my body and wastes precious recovery energy. Eustress is still stress, no? And with chemo fog, my head churns like a slow computer. I always preserved my garden sphere, but now it's such a small, almost childishly shallow. Lounging and enjoying simple pleasures is not the life I've ever felt comfortable with. It's just not what I've ever allowed for myself. But what else can I do when my body and mind are so fragile? </p>
 <p>Straight out of the hospital, I marathoned Kitchen Nightmares to an extreme. Apparently, that's super common. The Youtube comments are full of hospital patients and people watching with dying relatives. </p>
 <p>Gordon Ramsay has perfected braindead TV. Any random episode is a safe bet--only a handful of employees to remember, a villain of the week, and more or less the same plot. Nothing's so bad it can't be resolved with a coat of white paint, tiny pretentious burgers, and a quick heart-to-heart confrontation. This is truly the epitome of garden sphere reality cable. </p>
    <center><img src="/static/img/ent/PET.png" alt="(image: A PET scan comparison. My brain is pale in the December 29, 2023, scan, while it is very dark in the August 2, 2024 scan." width="500" height="124"></center> 
 <p><i>Pictured above: the brain activity of the average Kitchen Nightmares fan. </i></p>
 <p>(I'm not kidding when I say braindead lol. Look at my old PET scans. Dark areas indicate areas with good glucose intake. So obviously, that would be your brain, digestive tract, and any tumors. Out of the hospital, my tumors were eating so much of my glucose, my brain was barely showing up in the scan. Crazy. You can see the healthy dark color after a year of chemo, though, so I got less thrall-like.)
 <p>As I've recovered, my tolerance for media's marginally improved. I graduated to doll webisodes, MMO private servers, but no real literature. It's all just shallow garden sphere media. It's a sharp drop from Etidorpha, the Bhagavata Purana, and the church fathers I was reading right before. I really like reading, but chemo fog is thick as roux to cut through. It's awful. I just can't read for more than a few minutes without feeling the equivalent mental fatigue of studying Japanese for hours. That said, at the end of November, I finally managed to finish a book for the first time in over a year: <a href="https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/233">Sister Carrie</a>. Felt so good.</p>
 <p>Reading the 500-page Sister Carrie in a few days flooded me with optimism, but following with Père Goriot evaporated every little bit again. Balzac is too much for now. </p>
 <p>Not to undermine Dreiser's latent skill in governing plot and character arcs under his theme, but Sister Carrie's characters and world are as claustophobically narrow as my own. She practically only interacts with 1 to 2 characters per arc and spends most of the novel in her apartment, admiring clothes or men. What a coincidence that the only book I can read is in the garden sphere genre. I read the original heavily censored version, too, no less. </p>
 <h2>Gilded Cage </h2>
 <p>The dark mirror aspect of Dreiser's writing - taking a relatable character who makes every bad decision possible - is a staple of my gross interest in his writing, and Carrie is no exception. I don't compromise myself, yet Carrie can take $20 and turn it into a gilded cage. She was letting Drouet stake his claim in the most primal way possible, too, ensuring her messy attachment forever. Maybe her $20 then is more like $600 now, but girl, it's not worth it! </p>
 <p>Carrie only cares about shopping for pretty clothes and having her ear tickled. Freshly 18 and moving to the city without any plans, she's quickly snagged by Drouet, a smooth and well-dressed salesman with enough money to shower her in whatever baubles she desires. He's dirty, probably a man in his late 20s or early 30s, targeting pretty but clueless young women like it's a game. He undoubtedly has a pet girl in each city for pleasure during his business trips, and a harem of hollaback girls besides. During Carrie's second interaction with Drouet, he gives her the equivalent of something like $20, enough to secure a tasteful and lasting outfit while squirreling away the rest for rent and food. Yet she blows it all on an overly trendy coat that won't outlast the season. During their third interaction, she takes his advice about ghosting her family and moves in with him. She gives up everything for nothing. </p>
 <p>Young, single girls in unfamiliar towns can live off of the kindness of strangers, at least from my experience. With her natural charm, Carrie could secure a rogue's gallery of harmless, overeager boys; accept simple gifts; and walk away with her independence. Accept a leg up, sure, but it's not safe to trust anyone entirely or ever let a man buy you. </p>
 <p>Drouet is charming and kind, but his brand of help comes with too many binds. Even if I'm starving, I'm not easy nor a beggar. I don't let guys buy me food unless it's an earnest offer on some level. An extravagant gift is a hard no. Even when I was only getting money through excessively inconsistent freelance writing and hanging out with rich brats, I concealed my situation and split bills. Call it pride or stubbornness, but I carve out my own life. I had bad experiences growing up anyway, so the lesson of trust came very slowly. </p>
 <p>Of course, none of these guys stuck around, no matter how kind they were or how great our chemistry was. They were shallow, not looking for a deep relationship. They just want to make a girl smile, show her off to a few friends, then disappear, never entering my garden sphere. I wasn't looking for a boyfriend anyway, so it suited me. No boy deserves to be tied up in my messy life, you know? I was content to play surrogate girlfriend in exchange for charity and good advice, then break without ties, going through life. </p>
 <p>Carrie wasn't looking for a proper relationship, either. She never knows love at any point in the novel, only ever longing for a higher standard of dress, dining, and entertainment. She views men the same way, easily becoming infatuated with the more clever and moneyed Hurstwood, despite his age. He and Drouet fight over her like a doll, catching her between Drouet's condescension and Hurstwood's manipulation. In the aftermath, she ends up playing wife for Hurstwood, trapped in an apartment in a new city without any friends. He's a monster, concealing his other marriage, kidnapping her under false pretense, and expecting gratitude for it all. </p>
 <p>Even when she splits from Hurstwood and goes to Ames, an apparently emotionally deeper and more supportive boyfriend, their relationship has the same issues. Only, instead of the level of luxuries they share, it's built on the level of art and literature they share. Even if his impulse guides her into self-improvement, pushing her into a field of work where she makes enough money for independence, he's just another passing step in her longing for happiness she may never feel. The shallow infatuation remains, him admiring her more as a muse than a partner. The manipulation remains, him pushing her into acting then specifically comedy-drama. It's never a proper relationship. There's never any love in it, just shallow pleasantries and infatuations.  </p>
 <h2>My Own Gilded Cage </h2>
 <p>Despite the monotonous Carrie cycle of fruitlessly walking the streets in search of work ↷ letting men use her ↷ and refining her blossoming charm↻, I couldn't put the book down. Even if the first half was spent in Drouet's apartment with a boy who stopped taking Carrie out after the honeymoon period, and the second half was spent in Hurstwood's, where he never took her out at all. </p>
 <p>Somewhere in the middle, I realized that's exactly why I was locked into the book. Wanting to leave the house but barely being able to leave the bed is the same cage. It's even gilded a bit, with snacks and craft projects and all the gifts people have given me, but it's an aggressively small, boring place to be. </p>
 <p>Sister Carrie's characters are shallow and easy to critique, much like any Kitchen Nightmares cast. Carrie's boyfriends are few and never entirely leave her life, either, lingering like ghosts until time to pop up again. And although the narrative has plenty of high stakes drama, the dangers are easily identified and long periods of inactivity subdue the monsters into something manageable and familiar. It's a really boring book. </p>
 <h2>Carrie's Garden Sphere </h2>
 <p>In a magical part near the end, Drouet appears out of nowhere, hoping to wheedle his control back over the newly rich and famous Carrie, prettier than ever. He finagles Carrie into going on a dinner date with him, and for a moment, she falls for his old charms. Really, Dreiser brings him in to reveal all Hurstwood's secrets before an unexpected confrontation with him, but this is an archetypal scene to me and dreamy to read. </p>
 <p>To be at the end of a long dreary novel, after such painful betrayals, left at the end with no one in your camp except a villain you can't really be afraid of anymore... After all, what was Drouet's crime? Being shallow? He's done wrong, but others have done worse. Carrie could even credit him for having coining the stage name that started her career in a way. It's all a wash in the end, isn't it? </p>
 <p>Honestly, I have this feeling like I'm very, very old, like an immortal at the end of a lifetime. Like I've been on so many adventures, probably more than most people who grew up with stable households and curfews and less impulsive behavior than me, but that chapter's long closed. I have a very good husband and a very good community now. I hope I keep them forever. I finally lost the urge to run off and hide. </p>
 <p>Honestly, kinda, even if they were terrible to me, I grow attached to anyone who has stuck around in my life for a while. If I lost everyone, after so much time has passed, I'd rather be strange bedfellows with a villain like Drouet. He's shown me every part of his villainy, and I've already developed every defense against it. Rather him than a seemingly kind stranger like Ames whose depths are a total unknown. Besides, I would think even a very antagonistic sort of villain, after so long, would surely have developed some sort of mutual respect or common ground after a while. </p>
 <p>I've mostly had bad people in my life, but I'd like to think they should become more like a bittersweet comfort, an old thorn dulled by time. </p>
 <p>Of course, not every weed in my garden is worth letting bloom. Hurstwood has an undercurrent of violence to him, and unlike Drouet who had a touch of magnanimity and care for Carrie's well-being, Hurstwood is an entitlement elemental. He's a danger against which there is no defense, even at the height of Carrie's fame and fortune. True villains like that should be fenced out. And he never really did enter Carrie's shallow inner world, either, not like Drouet had. </p>
 <h2>Overall Review of Sister Carrie </h2>
 <p>I went in blind but trusting, since An American Tragedy is one of my favorite books. I didn't know this was Dreiser's first novel, nor that it was brutally censored. It feels like I missed crucial scenes, like the censored version of <a href="https://store.steampowered.com/app/12310/Culpa_Innata/">Culpa Innata</a>. (That game definitely just goes to black, skips, then leaves you with random new quest items in your inventory.) </p>
 <p>Dreiser surely wouldn't miss Drouet luring Carrie into his bed and her growing awareness of her power, given his gritty depictions of the destructive nature of lust and ambition in his later works. I've heard the unexpurgated edition includes all the risque details you would expect from his unvarnished realism. Of course, Dreiser is never lurid, just unflinching, so it isn't like his books get gross or anything of course. </p>
 <p>With its teeth clipped, I'm definitely missing out on Drouet's scoundrel. Worse, Margaret Sanger's birth control was yet to catch on in the 1900s, so the novel's also missing just how close Carrie was to unraveling her whole world. Dreiser lays pregnancy scares and abortion open bare in Roberta's case in An American Tragedy. Left is Dreiser's crude early writing, circling the drain of isolation and dissatisfaction with dull company. </p>
 <p>Yet boring and watered-down as it is, I adore this book. The ending is absolutely magical, the way Dreiser binds off his character arcs, looping each through each other, in a sequence of deliberate moves. He's so good at plotting. Honestly, it forgives any sins along the way. </p>
 <h2>Anyway...</h2>
 <p>An American Tragedy is so dear to me because I read slowly and at the same life stages as Clyde. I left home with him, made my first friends with him, started dating with him, looked for work with him, got into a serious relationship with him. Even our holidays lined up. Clyde was like that dark mirror to look into when I had time to read. I suppose when I look back, Sister Carrie will hold the same weight with me, accompanying the same cage I was in 2024. Dreiser novels are so intimate. Maybe whenever I become a cold-blooded Wall Street investor and railroad tycoon, I'll read his Trilogy Desire to chase that feeling again. </p>
 <p>But whatever. </p>
@@ -0,0 +1,61 @@
 <!--230508,240301-->
 <h1>New Look, New Me </h1>
 #webdev<br>
 <br>
 	<p>Quickie post. I'm tired of the millennial pink and blue colors, so it's redesign time again! I'm not really changing much else for now. I got some more bugs out of the CSS, too. The pictures are very wide this time, so remember you can right-click and view the full-size image in your browser. </p>
 <h2>Linux Rice </h2>
    <center><img src="/static/img/ent/Rice_Grid.png" alt="(image: How my desktop looks. Everything's washed over with a pink tone, while the terminal has a deep eggplant background with white text and special text in minty cyan, neon chartreuse, soft red, hot magenta, and a shocking grape. I can't get enough of these colors.)" width="500" height="141"></center> <br>
    <p>I desperately missed having my selection highlight be hot pink, so I riced my Linux a few months ago. I didn't know there were tools for customizing Cinnamon, so I brute-forced it lol. I used Cinnamox-Rhino as a base and made it pink. I guess you can have my theme if you want: <a href="/download/Pink-ONLY.zip">Pink-ONLY</a>. Why not? </p>
    <p>I also got a pastel rainbow theme for Chromium, as well as edited my phone's look with Theme Park. I wish I could have brute-forced those, too, (or used legitimate full-feature tools lol), but it seemed too much effort at the time. My laptop's much more fun, with obnoxious unreadable fonts and everything. Personalizing your stuff is just great. </p>
    <p>The terminal background is #0f0233, and the terminal colors are </p>
    <ul>
    	<li>Midnight Green: #073642 </li>
    	<li>Raspberry: #b61e54 </li>
    	<li>Acid Green: #bbc704 </li>
    	<li>Amber: #df9d0d</li>
    	<li>Medium Slate Blue: #7d4afb</li>
    	<li>Magenta: #fc45f3</li>
    	<li>Medium Turquoise: #76e4d3</li>
    	<li>Seashell: #eee8d5</li>
    	<li>Gunmetal: #002b36</li>
    	<li>Dark Orange: #d77010</li>
    	<li>Cadet Blue: #586e75</li>
    	<li>Slate Gray: #657b83</li>
    	<li>Gray: #839496</li>
    	<li>Medium Purple: #956ff6</li>
    	<li>Cadet Blue: #93a1a1</li>
    	<li>Seashell: #fdf6e3</li>
    </ul>
    <p>Also my wallpaper is overmodded Oblivion, color-shifted to be more pink and blue. He's sitting up in the <a href="https://www.nexusmods.com/oblivion/mods/35895">Schlossbergturm Penthouse</a>, if you're curious. I prefer the original yellow and blue colorwash of the screenshot because it has similar existential vibes to Starry Night or The Sorrows of Young Werther, but pink and blue matches the theme better. </p> 
 	<center><img src="/static/img/ent/pinkONLY-sofa.png" alt="(image: An Altmer sitting through a sofa in a broken tower in the rain. His legs clip through the floor, and he clips through the sofa cushion from the waist up.)" width="500" height="281"></center> <br>
 		<center><img src="/static/img/ent/sofa.png" alt="(image: Same image, but instead of the pink and blue wash, this one has the original blue and yellow wash from the All Natural lighting mod.)" width="500" height="281"></center> <br>
 		<p> I also messed with all the text on the screen to have tacky unicode character spam. I would have downloaded a 00s glittery cursor, too, but I really couldn't find anything I preferred over my normal one. </p>
 		<p>Pretty.</p>
 <h2>Proliferating my color scheme to my website </h2>
 	<p>So this is how Blessfrey pretty much always looked after the first few months of placeholders. I never figured out how to fit the sidebar in the grid properly in this run, but I tried. </p>
    <center><img src="/static/img/ent/BlessfreyMe_250105.png" alt="(image: How Blessfrey.me looked on January 5, 2025. I used softer, dustier colors like millenial pink and blue.)" width="500" height="256"></center> <br>
    <center><img src="/static/img/ent/BlessfreyMe_250105_2.png" alt="(image: Another page.)" width="500" height="255"></center> <br>
 	<p>Then this is how it looks now. :) Not a revolutionary change, but I think the footer resizes properly on all resolutions and the sidebar repositions correctly when the screen is too narrow now. Also, the colors are brighter! I hope it's not too eye-straining haha, which I majorly tried to avoid last time. I just can't get enough of the high energy of bright grape on midnight eggplant lately, so sorry if it's a lot.<3  </p>
    <center><img src="/static/img/ent/BlessfreyMe_250107.png" alt="(image: How Blessfrey.me looks on January 7, 2025. I used brighter purples, reds, and pinks this time.)" width="500" height="255.73"></center> <br>
    <center><img src="/static/img/ent/BlessfreyMe_250107_2.png" alt="(image: Another page, with acid green accents.)" width="500" height="257"></center> <br>
 	<h2>So fun! </h2>
 	<p>Also, I just realized I flipped the old gradient. How did that happen? Whatever...I'm done messing with it for now. Hopefully next, I can make fancy galleries instead of the first-working-solution stuff I have right now. Also, adding more art assets would be fun, too, but drawing is a lot a lot of effort.</p>
 	<p>See ya.^^ If I have my way, I have a few more things to write soon. </p>
@@ -0,0 +1,42 @@
 <!--241230,241206-->
 <h1>Nothing Left But Clinical Trials </h1>
 #health #personal<br>
 <br>
 	<p>None of my chemotherapy treatments work. My specialist thinks a particular clinical trial is the best option for me, and I'll meet my new doctor soon. I was kind of feeling like the adventurous part of cancer was going to start up again soon, with how much I disliked FOLFOX, and maybe I was right. </p>
 <h2>What should I expect? </h2>
    <p>I'm guessing my care team is really hoping for a good clinical trial over the third line of treatment available, so I'm guessing if this one doesn't work out, I'll get on one eventually. </p>
    <p>If this is the one, I don't really know what to expect. The coordinator said I might stay there a while, depending on how the first appointment goes. It's just a few hours away, but still, it's out of state. Sheesh. I have a very clingy pet cat, poor guy. Not to mention my husband's work and all our responsibilities here. After I had to stop, my husband's pretty much the only volunteer consistently available to run cameras at church. I'd feel bad to strain their small team further. </p>
    <p>Hopefully my new treatment will be spaced out well enough (and tolerable) that I can go home regularly. It'd be so inconvenient otherwise. I've already stayed in the hospital unexpectedly for a month, though, so it's not my first rodeo. </p>
    <p>My in-laws moved in to my house then. I had paused random chores to go to a quick checkup that became a hospital admission, so they just sat there, half-finished. My in-laws were asking all kinds of goofy questions like why I keep a half-full box of random papers in the hallway. I don't! I was shredding them, and that was the only working outlet I could find. It's so inconvenient to rely on others so unexpectedly. OTL </p>
    <p>Also I did the bad thing and looked at some of the medical journal publications for previous trials my new doctor worked on, and they have high death rates. I never do stuff like that, but my mother-in-law was talking about research and stuff and I felt bad about not doing that kinda thing. Eugh, never do that. Why did I do that? I never do that. Besides, obviously clinical trials don't save everyone. They are a last resort! Eugh, with all the things chemo makes my memory spotty on, I wish I could mindwipe having read those lol. Oops. Don't do what I did, guys! </p>
 	<h2>Pray for me? </h2>
 	<p>If God took care of all the details during my unexpected long hospital stay, He'll take care of everything here on out. But specifically, the winter storms make travel even more inconvenient, so clear roads, please? And that He provides the right medicine and peace for my family and caregivers. </p>
 	<h2>Don't worry about anything </h2>
 	<p>So I get severe allergic reactions to the treatment that worked best for me. Guinea pig stuff seems more promising than the conventional treatments currently available. I'm not controlling my cancer with anything until I meet with the new care team. And I'm in so much pain it's interfering with sleep. But what happens, happens. </p>
    <p>I feel like our knowledge of things is so limited, you can't really complain or feel dread. This trial could be better than FOLFOX and get the last bit of cancer out of my colon and liver. It could go horribly, but it leads to me getting into the right medicine. Or if God doesn't intend to cure my cancer, I still trust His faithfulness through it all. </p>
 <pre><code>
 Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand;
 do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made
 known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is
 commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned
 and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.
 -Philippians 4:4-9
 </pre></code>
    <p>This is about all I've learned going through cancer. It's a hard, undignifying, and uncertain path, but praising God brings peace while He covers all the details. </p>
@@ -0,0 +1,63 @@
 <!--250107,241230-->
 <h1>Getting into a Clinical Trial </h1>
 #health #personal<br>
 <br>
 	<p>It's been 50 days between treatments, but I'm finally starting a clinical trial! I was uncomfortable with the idea, but I understand them better after talking to friends who have been through clinical trials and meeting my treatment team. This experimental drug sounds like a good fit for me! </p>
 	<p>So as a quick guide to my history so far... </p>
 	<ul>
 	<li>• Colorectal cancer diagnosis - November 2023 </li>
 	<li>• FOLFOX - 20+ treatments, then developed an allergy to it </li>
 	<li>• FOLFIRI - 4ish treatments, but ineffective </li>
 	<li>• Unnamed experimental drug - starting first treatment soon </li>
 	<li>• Teams - My local clinic and surgeon, Vanderbilt, Sarah Cannon </li>
 	</ul>
 <h2>Why stop FOLFIRI? </h2>
    <p>I used to be wary of seeing scans, but I've since changed my stance. By now, I know what cancer feels like. I don't even need to see my scans, so when I do, there are no surprises. I can feel everything, and my doctors can see everything. At this point, refusing only leaves my husband in the dark. </p>
    <p>My last scan made it clear FOLFIRI wasn't controlling the cancer. My oncologist decided to curtail the treatment cycle. She wasn't confident a third-line treatment would do any better, so it was time to seek out clinical trials. </p>
    <p>The break in treatment has been really hard. During the 50 day search and application process, my cancer symptoms gradually returned, and I went from maybe half a dose of hydrocodone every 2-3 months to 1-3 half-doses daily. Without opiates, I couldn't sleep or eat anymore. </p>
    <p>It's like letting my health freefall and not knowing if anyone will catch me. The temptation to wallow in the pain and pessimism has been stronger than ever through this. Scripture says, "Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer," (Romans 12:12) among many exhortations to wait on the Lord. It's disgraceful and such a waste of time when I forget this because He's caught me every single time. I could list so many times I've seen the Valley of the Shadow of Death, yet here I am. </p>
 <h2> So how did I find a clinical trial and enter it? </h2>
    <p>You can find trials to discuss with your oncologist, using resources like <a href="https://learn.colontown.org/learningcenter/trials-basics/">COLONTOWN</a> and databases like <a href="https://www.clinicaltrials.gov/search?cond=Colorectal%20Cancer">ClinicalTrials.gov</a>. There's a ton, and more are added all the time. You're bound to find a few good fits to apply for, even if you want to stay relatively close to home. </p>
    <p>I learned about this particular trial through my care team, though. </p>
    <p>My oncologists have been proactive and flexible. They searched for appropriate clinical trials with my specialist in Vanderbilt. Though Vanderbilt has nothing available for early 2025, Sarah Cannon did. So I began working with a third oncology team. </p>
    <p>Based on specific mutations and details about my cancer (I'm MSS, KRAS, etc), Sarah Cannon submitted me to the few matches. FOLFIRI really hurt my platelets count, so despite a 50-day recovery period, I only barely qualified for this trial. (Good call to halt FOLFIRI early!) Then I heard back a week later that I was accepted by the pharmaceutical company. </p>
 <h2>What happens when you're accepted into a clinical trial? </h2>
    <p>There's a waiting period for your previous chemo treatment to wash out of your body. 50 days is plenty, so I skipped this step. </p>
    <p>Once I was offered a slot, I started the screening process. Blood tests, urine tests, CT scans, and everything else required by the pharmaceutical company. The following week, I retook tests I failed in hopes my numbers had improved...and I passed! (It's always good to keep your husband on edge.) </p>
    <p>I also met with the treatment team at Sarah Cannon to go over contracts and learn what to expect. </p>
    <p>With a baseline for my health established, I'm ready for treatment! Since the pharmaceutical company only needs my anonymized health and basic demographic information, Sarah Cannon acts as my go-between any time I need to contact them. </p>
 <h2>Are clinical trials expensive? </h2>
    <p>Supposedly, they should be the same as receiving an FDA-approved treatment at home. If they require extra tests that insurance won't cover, they'll cover it instead. And obviously insurance won't cover experimental medicine, so the pharmaceutical company provides it for free. Otherwise, everything is billed through insurance as normal. </p>
    <p>As a bonus, the pharmaceutical company will also cover my hotel and gas costs. That's huge because I will be traveling very often. </p>
 <h2>Bonus Question: Why did I get off FOLFOX? Why can't I go back to it? </h2>
    <p>Everyone asks this. FOLFOX was effective and tolerable for a year, but I had to stop when I developed a severe allergy. As great as FOLFOX was, I can't risk any treatment containing oxaliplatin again. </p>
 <h2>I'm excited to be starting super soon! </h2>
    <p>I've been in so much pain. The first round of chemo back when I first got diagnosed brought instant relief. I'm hoping I'll get that again from the new drug. </p>
    <p>I'm not really supposed to post about the experiment online, so beyond what's freely available online, I shouldn't go into details, but I know what test group I'm in and the treatment schedule. It sounds intense, but I'm optimistic about it. And honestly, I want anything other than opiates at this point. </p>
    <p>Of course, I place my trust in the Lord over the healthcare system. It's hard, but I pray that God matches me with the treatment He'd have for me. Even if it increases the wait, I'd rather He close and open doors in His wisdom. If this isn't the drug for me, something good's bound to pop up eventually. But if I can have something that targets my condition so specifically so soon, praise God. </p>
@@ -473,7 +473,7 @@ def about():
@route('/art')
 def art():
    """art"""
-    info = {'css': 'art', 'preview': 'Chimchooree\'s art, sewing projects, and screenshots.', 'title': 'blessfrey art gallery', 'year': find_year()}
+    info = {'css': 'art', 'preview': 'Chimchooree\'s art, sewing projects, and screenshots.', 'title': 'blessfrey art gallery', 'category': "art", 'year': find_year()}
    return template('art.tpl', info)
 # OC Page
@@ -487,7 +487,7 @@ def char2():
 def char(char_name):
    """character page"""
    loc = 'char/'
-    info = {'css': 'char', 'preview': 'Chimchooree\'s OC database. Meet ' + char_name + "!", 'title': 'blessfrey - characters | meet ' + char_name, 'year': find_year(), 'ocs': ["Helia", "Rune", "Angel", "Tessa", "Chloe", "Aries", "Night", "Dia", "Bless", "WISE", "Abbey", "Calder", "Silke", "Aloin", "Fifi", "Bijoux", "CatMan", "Belfry", "Aristen", "Chimchooree", "Freya", "Lune", "Trace", "Freefall", "Chandra", "Colt", "Cass", "Katherine", "Lisbet"], 'name': char_name, 'profile': prepare_profile(loc, char_name), 'gallery': find_gallery(char_name)}
+    info = {'css': 'char', 'preview': 'Chimchooree\'s OC database. Meet ' + char_name + "!", 'title': 'blessfrey - characters | meet ' + char_name, 'category': "characters", 'year': find_year(), 'ocs': ["Helia", "Rune", "Angel", "Tessa", "Chloe", "Aries", "Night", "Dia", "Bless", "WISE", "Abbey", "Calder", "Silke", "Aloin", "Fifi", "Bijoux", "CatMan", "Belfry", "Aristen", "Chimchooree", "Freya", "Lune", "Trace", "Freefall", "Chandra", "Colt", "Cass", "Katherine", "Lisbet"], 'name': char_name, 'profile': prepare_profile(loc, char_name), 'gallery': find_gallery(char_name)}
    abs_app_dir_path = os.path.dirname(os.path.realpath(__file__))
    abs_views_path = os.path.join(abs_app_dir_path, 'views')
    TEMPLATE_PATH.insert(0, abs_views_path )
@@ -504,37 +504,37 @@ def credits():
@route('/games')
 def games():
    """games"""
-    info = {'css': 'games', 'preview': 'Play Chimchooree\'s HTML5 games in the browser! Best played on the desktop.', 'title': 'blessfrey games', 'year': find_year()}
+    info = {'css': 'games', 'preview': 'Play Chimchooree\'s HTML5 games in the browser! Best played on the desktop.', 'title': 'blessfrey games', 'category': "games", 'year': find_year()}
    return template('games.tpl', info)
@route('/blue-planet')
 def bp():
    """game"""
-    info = {'css': 'games', 'preview': 'Play Blue Planet by Chimchooree, an HTML5 dressup prototype in the browser. Made in Godot 3.', 'title': 'blue planet - blessfrey games', 'year': find_year()}
+    info = {'css': 'games', 'preview': 'Play Blue Planet by Chimchooree, an HTML5 dressup prototype in the browser. Made in Godot 3.', 'title': 'blue planet - blessfrey games', 'category': "games", 'year': find_year()}
    return template('games-bp.tpl', info)
@route('/cheeryOS')
 def co():
    """game"""
-    info = {'css': 'games', 'preview': 'Play CheeryOS by Chimchooree, an HTML5 pretend OS prototype in the browser. Made in Godot 3.', 'title': 'cheeryOS - blessfrey games', 'year': find_year()}
+    info = {'css': 'games', 'preview': 'Play CheeryOS by Chimchooree, an HTML5 pretend OS prototype in the browser. Made in Godot 3.', 'title': 'cheeryOS - blessfrey games', 'category': "games", 'year': find_year()}
    return template('games-co.tpl', info)
@route('/no-legs-the-cat')
 def nltc():
    """game"""
-    info = {'css': 'games', 'preview': 'Play No-Legs the Cat by Chimchooree, an HTML5 maze game in the browser. Made in Godot 3.', 'title': 'no-legs the cat - blessfrey games', 'year': find_year()}
+    info = {'css': 'games', 'preview': 'Play No-Legs the Cat by Chimchooree, an HTML5 maze game in the browser. Made in Godot 3.', 'title': 'no-legs the cat - blessfrey games', 'category': "games", 'year': find_year()}
    return template('games-nltc.tpl', info)
@route('/small-thing-that-makes-things')
 def sttmt():
    """game"""
-    info = {'css': 'games', 'preview': 'Play Small Thing That Makes Things, an HTML5 adventure platformer in the browser. Made in Godot 3 for #WeeklyGameJam.', 'title': 'small thing that makes things - blessfrey games', 'year': find_year()}
+    info = {'css': 'games', 'preview': 'Play Small Thing That Makes Things, an HTML5 adventure platformer in the browser. Made in Godot 3 for #WeeklyGameJam.', 'title': 'small thing that makes things - blessfrey games', 'category': "games", 'year': find_year()}
    return template('games-sttmt.tpl', info)
@route('/stoplight')
 def sl():
    """game"""
-    info = {'css': 'games', 'preview': 'Play Stoplight, an HTML5 coroutines prototype in the browser. Made in Godot 3.', 'title': 'stoplight - blessfrey games', 'year': find_year()}
+    info = {'css': 'games', 'preview': 'Play Stoplight, an HTML5 coroutines prototype in the browser. Made in Godot 3.', 'title': 'stoplight - blessfrey games', 'category': "games", 'year': find_year()}
    return template('games-sl.tpl', info)
@route('/thunderspy')
 def ts():
    """game"""
-    info = {'css': 'games', 'preview': 'Play Thunderspy, a City of Heroes private server.', 'title': 'thunderspy - blessfrey games', 'year': find_year()}
+    info = {'css': 'games', 'preview': 'Play Thunderspy, a City of Heroes private server.', 'title': 'thunderspy - blessfrey games', 'category': "games", 'year': find_year()}
    return template('games-ts.tpl', info)
 # Japanese Learning Page
@@ -653,10 +653,16 @@ def style():
    return template('style-guide.tpl', info)
 # Me Page
@route('/me') # redirect
 def me3():
    return me()
@route('/about') # redirect
 def me():
    return me()
@route('/about-me')
 def me():
    """me"""
-    info = {'css': 'me', 'title': 'meet me, chimchooree', 'preview': 'Meet me, Chimchooree, and learn more about my projects - gamedev, webdev, Bible study, creative writing, pixel art, and more!', 'year': find_year()}
+    info = {'css': 'me', 'title': 'meet me, chimchooree', 'preview': 'Meet me, Chimchooree, and learn more about my projects - gamedev, webdev, Bible study, creative writing, pixel art, and more!', 'category': 'about me', 'year': find_year()}
    return template('me.tpl', info)
 # Feature Requirements
@@ -31,7 +31,8 @@ html, body {
    padding:0; 
    margin:0; 
    height:100%;
-    background-image: linear-gradient(#060114, #0F0233);
+    width:100%;
    background-image: linear-gradient(#0f0233, #000000);
    background-repeat: no-repeat;
    background-attachment: fixed;
 }
@@ -40,7 +41,7 @@ footer {
    bottom: 0; 
    left: 0;
    right: 0;
-    width: 100%;
+    width: 1fr;
    background-color: transparent;
 }
@@ -145,27 +146,30 @@ img {
 .top {
    grid-area: 1 / 1 / 2 / 2; 
-    color: #C0AAC0;
+    color: #b61e54;
    font-family: 'mitochondriaregular', sans-serif;
    font-weight: bold;
    text-align: center;
-    font-size: clamp(0.8rem, 5vw, 1.5rem);
+    font-size: 1.2em;
    text-overflow: hidden;
    white-space: nowrap; 
    display: flex;
    justify-content: center;
    align-items: center; 
    width: 1fr;
    margin: auto;
 }
 .top a {
-    color: #C0AAC0;
+    color: #b61e54;
    font-family: 'mitochondriaregular', sans-serif;
    font-size: .73em;
    font-weight: bold;
 }
 .top a:hover {
-    color: #A88AA8;
+    color: #b61e54;
    font-weight: bold;
 }
 .top a:visited {
-    color: #C0AAC0;
+    color: #b61e54;
    font-weight: bold;
 }
@@ -177,13 +181,11 @@ img {
 }
 .footer-grid {
    display: grid;
-    grid-template-columns: 100vw;
+    grid-template-columns: 1fr;
    grid-template-rows: 76% 24%
    grid-column-gap: 0px;
    grid-row-gap: 0px; 
    background-color: transparent;
    width: 100vw;
    min-width: 636px;
 }
 .nav { 
    grid-area: 1 / 1 / 2 / 2;
@@ -194,6 +196,17 @@ img {
    grid-column-gap: 0px;
    grid-row-gap: 0px; 
    margin: auto;
-    width: 40vw;
+    font-size: 1em;
-    min-width: 374px;
+}
 .nav a {
 	font-size: 1em;
 }
@media (max-width: 600px) {
    .nav {
        grid-template-columns: 1fr;  /* Make the grid a single column */
    }
    .sidebar {
        grid-area: 2 / 1 / 3 / 2; /* Ensure the sidebar moves below the content on smaller screens */
    }
 }
@@ -3,6 +3,13 @@
    margin: 2em;
 }
 .content-grid h1, h2, h3, h4 {
 	color: #bbc704;
    margin-top: 1em;
    margin-bottom: 0em;
    text-indent: 0em;
 } 
 .gallery {
    display: grid;
    grid-template-columns: repeat(auto-fit, 200px);
@@ -25,6 +25,16 @@
    padding-bottom: 1.5em; 
    word-wrap: break-word;
 }
 .profile a {
 	color: #7d4afb;
 }
 .profile h2, h3, h4 {
 	color: #bbc704;
    margin-top: 1em;
    margin-bottom: 0em;
    text-indent: 0em;
 } 
 .portrait { 
    grid-area: 1 / 3 / 3 / 4;
 }
@@ -2,18 +2,36 @@ h2 {
    font-size: 1.5em;
 }
 .grid {
        background-image: url("/static/img/dia/chimchooree_moonelf5.png");
 	background-repeat: no-repeat;
 	background-size: 18vw;
 	background-position: right bottom;
 	background-attachment: fixed;
 }
 .content-grid {
-    display: column;
+    display: grid;
    align-content: flex-start;
    margin: auto;
    padding: 1em;
 }
 .diary-grid {
    text-align: justify;
    display: flex;
    flex-wrap: wrap;
    align-content: stretch;
-    margin-right: 2em;
+    column-gap: 20px;
    margin-left: 2em;
 }
 .sidebar {
 	grid-area: 1/2/2/3;
 	margin: auto;
 	margin-top: 1em;
 	width: 100%
 }
    .diary-pages {
        max-width: 55ch;
        margin: auto;
@@ -21,11 +39,12 @@ h2 {
    }
    .diary-dir {
-        color: #C0AAC0;
+        color: #b61e54;
-  flex-shrink: 0;  display: flex;
+	flex-shrink: 0;  
 	display: flex;
        justify-content: center;
        background-color: transparent;
-        font-size: 1.5em;
+	font-size: 1.3em;
        font-weight: bold;
        text-shadow:
            -1px -1px 1px #080410,
@@ -38,7 +57,7 @@ h2 {
            -1px  0   1px #080410;
    }
    .diary-dir a {
-        color: #C0AAC0;
+        color: #b61e54;
        font-weight: bold;
        text-shadow:
            -1px -1px 1px #080410,
@@ -58,6 +77,7 @@ h2 {
        vertical-align: middle;
    }
    .diary-dir-numbers {
        color: #b61e54;
        height: 0em;
        display: inline-block;
        vertical-align: middle;
@@ -65,6 +85,9 @@ h2 {
        margin-left: .3em;
        margin-right: .3em;
    }
    .diary-dir-numbers a {
        color: #b61e54;
    }
    .diary-dir-number {
        display: inline-block;
        vertical-align: middle;
@@ -79,93 +102,76 @@ h2 {
        vertical-align: middle;
    }
    .title {
        color: white;
    }
    .snippet {
        margin-top: 0em;
        margin-bottom: 4em;
-        background-color: #585c88;
+        /*background-color: #9E1A48;*/
    }
    .snippet-title {
        text-indent: 2em;
-        background-color: #585c88;
+        background-color: transparent;/*#7d4afb;*/
        background-image: url("/static/img/dia/chimchooree_moonelf_BG2.png");
        border-top-left-radius: .3em;
        border-top-right-radius: .3em;
        height: auto;
        padding: .5em;
        font-size: 1em;
        text-align: center;
    }
    .snippet-title a {
        color: #E3E0DE;
        background-color: transparent;
        font-weight: bold;
        text-shadow:
            -1px -1px 1px #182448,
            0   -1px 1px #182448,
            2px -1px 1px #182448,
            2px  0   1px #182448,
            2px  2px 1px #182448,
            0    2px 1px #182448,
            -1px  2px 1px #182448,
            -1px  0   1px #182448;
    }
-    .snippet-title a:hover {
+    .snippet-title h2 {
        color: #ecd5d2;
        font-weight: bold;
        text-shadow:
            -1px -1px 1px #182448,
            0   -1px 1px #182448,
            2px -1px 1px #182448,
            2px  0   1px #182448,
            2px  2px 1px #182448,
            0    2px 1px #182448,
            -1px  2px 1px #182448,
            -1px  0   1px #182448;
 	font-family: 'mitochondriaregular', sans-serif;
 	color: #7d4afb;
    }
    .snippet-content {
-        background-color: #C0AAC0;
+        /*background-image: url("/static/img/dia/chimchooree_moonelf_BG.png");/*linear-gradient(#6F37FB,#6F37FB);*/
-        color: #080410;
+  background-repeat: no-repeat;
-        padding: 1em;
+  background-size: cover;
        /*background-color: #6F37FB;*/
        padding: 0em;
        font-size: 1em;
    }
    .snippet-content-text {
        color: #d2c1e5;
    }
    .snippet-content-text a {
        color: #7d4afb;
    }
    .date-line {
-        background-color: #585c88;
+        background-image: url("/static/img/dia/chimchooree_moonelf_BG2.png");/*linear-gradient(#6F37FB,#6F37FB);*/
-        color: #080410;
+  background-repeat: no-repeat;
  background-size: cover;
        /*background-image: linear-gradient(#7d4afb, #6F37FB);*/
        /*background-color: #7d4afb;*/
 	color: #7d4afb;
        padding: .5em;
        padding-left: 2em;
        font-size: .9em;
-        text-align: left;
+        text-align: center;
        font-style: italic;
    }
    .snippet-tags {
-        background-color: #585c88;
+        background-color: transparent;
-        padding: .3em;
+        background-image: url("/static/img/dia/chimchooree_moonelf_BG2.png");
        /*background-image: linear-gradient(#6F37FB,#7d4afb);*/
        font-size: 1em;
        min-width: 15.5em;
        text-align: right;
    }
    .snippet-tag {
-        background-color: #8c92cc;
+        background-color: transparent;
        border-radius: .3em;
        padding: .3em;
        font-size: 1em;
        font-weight: bold;
        display: inline-block;
    }
    .snippet-tag a {
-        color: #182448;
+	color: #7d4afb;
-    }
+	opacity: 0.6;
    .social-line {
        background-color: #404664;
        padding: .3em;
        display: none;
    }
    .social-line a {
        color: #E3E0DE;
        font-weight: bold;
    }
    .snippet-link {
        margin-top: -3em;
@@ -175,6 +181,5 @@ h2 {
        background-color: transparent;
    }
    .snippet-bottom {
-        background-color: #585c88;
+        /*background-image: linear-gradient(#7d4afb,#6F37FB);*/
        height: 1em;
    }
@@ -1,5 +1,5 @@
 hr {
-    border: 1px solid black;
+    border: 1px solid #d2c1e5;
 }
 img {
    display: block;
@@ -8,35 +8,47 @@ img {
 .content-grid {
    grid-area: 3 / 1 / 4 / 4; 
-    max-width: MAX(50em, 50%);
+    display: grid;
    display: column;
    grid-template-columns: 2fr 1fr;
    grid-template-rows: 1fr auto;
    grid-column-gap: 0em;
    grid-row-gap: 0em;
    margin: auto;
    padding: 1em;
    align-content: flex-start;
    display: flex;
    flex-wrap: wrap;
    align-content: stretch;
    text-align: justify;
 }
 .sidebar {
 	grid-area: 1/2/2/3;
 	margin: auto;
 	margin-top: 1em;
 	width: 100%
 }
 .diary-entry {
    grid-area: 1 / 1 / 2 / 2; 
-    margin-top: 1em;
+	font-size: 1em;
    margin-bottom: 1em;
    word-wrap: break-word;
    max-width: 55ch;
    margin: auto;
    max-width: 75ch;
    /*min-width: 50ch;*/
 }
 .diary-title {
-    background-color: #585c88;
+        background-color: transparent;
        background-image: url("/static/img/dia/chimchooree_moonelf_BG2.png");
    border-top-left-radius: .3em;
    border-top-right-radius: .3em;
-    color: #e6e8ef;
+    color: #bbc704;
    padding: 1em;
    padding-top: 1em;
    padding-bottom: 1em;
    font-size: 1em;
    text-align: center;
    font-weight: bold;
    max-width: 100%;
    text-shadow:
            -1px -1px 1px #080410,
            0   -1px 1px #080410,
@@ -49,18 +61,18 @@ img {
 }
 .date-line {
    padding: 1em;
-    background-color: #172347;
+        background-color: transparent;
-    color: #aaa39d;
+        background-image: url("/static/img/dia/chimchooree_moonelf_BG2.png");
    color: #bbc704;
    text-align: center;
 }
 .diary-content {
    font-size: 0.9em;
    line-height: 1.5em;
-    background-color: #c0aac0;
+    background-color: transparent;
-    color: #080410;
+        color: #d2c1e5;
    text-indent: 2em;
    padding: 1em;
    max-width: 100%;
    word-wrap: break-word;
 }
 .diary-content img {
@@ -68,24 +80,24 @@ img {
    margin-top: 1em;
    margin-bottom: 0em;
    margin-left: 0em;
    max-width: 100%; /* Ensures images don't exceed container width */
    height: auto; /* Maintains aspect ratio */
 }
 .diary-content h2, h3, h4 {
 	color: #bbc704;
    margin-top: 1em;
    margin-bottom: 0em;
    text-indent: 0em;
 } 
 .diary-content a {
-    text-decoration: underline;
+	color: #7d4afb;
    text-decoration: none;
 }
 .diary-tags {
-    background-color: #585c88;
+        background-color: transparent;
    padding: 1em;
    font-size: 1em;
 }
 .diary-tag {
-    background-color: #b9b4af;
+        background-color: transparent;
    border-radius: .3em;
    padding: .3em;
    font-size: 1em;
@@ -93,28 +105,19 @@ img {
    display: inline-block;
 }
 .diary-tag a {
-    color: #1D1761;
+    color: #bbc704;
 }
 .diary-tag a:hover {
-    color: #3127A5;
+    color: #76b404;
 }
 .diary-tag a:visited {
-    color: #1D1761;
+    color: #bbc704;
 }
 .diary-tag a:active {
-    color: #3B2FC6;
+    color: #8d580f;
 }
-.share-links {
+/*.recommend {
    display: none;
    background-color: #1c2628;
    color: #aaa39d;
    padding-top: 1em;
    padding-bottom: 1em;
    text-align: center;
 }
 .recommend {
    grid-area: 2 / 1 / 3 / 3; 
    color: #F9B3D7;
    display: grid;
@@ -145,13 +148,8 @@ img {
 .snippet-title {
    background-color: #A88AA8; 
    font-weight: bold;
-}
+}*/
 .sidebar {
    grid-area: 1/2/2/3;
    margin-top: 1em;
 }
 pre,code {
-    background-color: #d5c7d5;
+    background-color: transparent;
 }
@@ -1,5 +1,18 @@
 .content-grid {  
    color: white;
 	text-align: justify;
 }
 h2, h3, h4 {
 	color: #bbc704;
    margin-top: 1em;
    margin-bottom: 0em;
    text-indent: 0em;
 } 
 .center a {
 	color: #7d4afb;
    text-decoration: none;
 }
 img {
@@ -1,50 +0,0 @@
 .content-grid { 
    grid-area: 3 / 1 / 4 / 4; 
    display: grid;
    grid-template-columns: 40% 60%;
    grid-template-rows: 1fr 9.5em;
    grid-column-gap: 0px;
    grid-row-gap: 0px; 
    background-image: url(../img/prom/runebless.png);
 }
    .content-left {
        grid-area: 1 / 1 / 2 / 2;
            background-image: url(../img/prom/BlessFREY_logo.png);
            background-size: 20em;
            background-repeat: no-repeat;
            background-position: center;
        background-color: transparent; 
        }
    .content-right { 
        grid-area:  1 / 2 / 3 / 3;
        background-size: contain;
        background-repeat: no-repeat;
        background-position: left;
        background-color: transparent; 
        }
    .latest {
        background-color: #C0AAC0; 
    }
    .latest-title {
        position: absolute;
        width: 20em;
        background-color: #C0AAC0; 
        text-align: center;
    }
    .latest-centered {
        text-align: center;
        background-color: #C0AAC0; 
    }
    .latest-grid {
        word-break: break-word;
        width: 20em;
        grid-area:  2 / 1 / 3 / 2;
        overflow-y: scroll; 
        color: black;
        background-color: #C0AAC0; 
        margin-left: auto;
        margin-right: auto;
    }
    .latest-grid ul {
        margin-top: 1.5em;
    }
@@ -1,21 +1,20 @@
 footer { 
-    color: #C0AAC0;
+    color: #b61e54;
-    background-color: #404164; 
+    background-color: #0f0233; 
    width: 100vw;
    text-align: center;
    padding-top: 0.5em;
    padding-bottom: 1em;
    word-wrap: break-word;
 }
 footer a:link {
-    color: #C0AAC0;
+    color: #b61e54;
 }
 footer a:visited {
-    color: #C0AAC0;
+    color: #b61e54;
 }
 footer a:hover {
-    color: #E1B9E6;
+    color: #b61e54;
 }
 footer a:active {
-    color: #C0AAC0;
+    color: #b61e54;
 }
@@ -4,6 +4,7 @@
    grid-column-gap: 0em;
    grid-row-gap: 0em; 
    top: 0;
    font-size: 1em;
    max-width: 30ch;
    }
 }
@@ -12,21 +13,26 @@
    font-weight: bold;
 }
 .sidebar a {
-    color: #1D1761;
+    color: #4622A0;
 }
 .sidebar a:hover {
    color: #3127A5;
 }
 .sidebar a:visited {
-    color: #1D1761;
+    color: #4622A0;
 }
 .sidebar a:active {
    color: #3B2FC6;
 }
 .sidebar h2 {
 	font-family: 'mitochondriaregular', sans-serif;
 	color: #3B1D87;
 }
    .diary-box {
-        background-color: #A88AA8;  
+            background-image: linear-gradient(#FD87F9, #9555fa);
            /*background-color: #FD87F9;  */
        text-align: center;
        border-radius: 1em;
        margin: 1em;
@@ -51,7 +57,7 @@
        grid-area: 5 / 1 / 6 / 2;
    }
    .diary-box ul {
 	background-color: transparent; 
        text-align: left;
        padding: 0em;
        background-color: #A88AA8; 
    }
@@ -1,7 +1,7 @@
 % rebase('frame.tpl')
    <div class="content-grid">
        <h1>blessfrey art</h1>
-                <p>I should draw more often.</p>
+                <p>I should put more up here. It gets lost otherwise...</p>
        <div class="cats">
 <img src="/static/img/art/enemycat.png" alt="Cat.">
 <img src="/static/img/art/enemycat.png" alt="Cat.">
@@ -72,7 +72,7 @@
 <!--CONTESTS, HASHTAGS-->
        <h2>art games, hashtags </h2>
-        <p><a href="https://artfight.net/~abbey">Attack me on ArtFight!</a> I should get back into Mermay and OutfitAugust again, too. </p>
+        <p>I probably won't play much <a href="https://artfight.net/~abbey">ArtFight</a> if at all anymore. I'm too sick lol. I should get back into Mermay and OutfitAugust sometime at least, though. </p>
            <div class="gallery">
                <%
                gallery = [
@@ -100,7 +100,8 @@
                <%
                gallery = [
                    ["RingOfFire.jpg","My Guild Wars main at end-game Proph"],
-                    ["chimchooree_moonelf.png","A Dungeons & Dragons moon elf (my NWN2 main to be exact)"],
+                    ["unaflatsmall.png","My Novi Star OC Una elf-married to Sand the moon elf from Neverwinter Nights 2"],
                    ["chimchooree_moonelf.png","A Dungeons & Dragons moon elf (my NWN2 main Una Farlong to be exact)"],
                    ["kamaAD1.gif","Kama AD1 for #octobit"],
                    ["sophie.png","Atelier Sophie for #octobit"],
                    ["tvseries.png","Code Lyoko's Sissi for #octobit"],
@@ -3,7 +3,7 @@
        <div class="sidebar">
            <div class="diary-box about-box">
                <h2>about</h2>
-                <p><a href="/"><b>Blessfrey.me</b></a> is my webdev playground, written in BottlePy! Sometimes I share my hobbies here.</p>
+                <p><a href="/"><b>Blessfrey.me</b></a> is my webdev playground, written in BottlePy! I try to write in my diary once a month. </p>
            </div>
            <div class="diary-box social-box">
@@ -11,7 +11,6 @@
                <ul>
                    <li>{{random.choice(['.','•','☆','★'])}}&#9;Discord: <a href="https://discordapp.com/users/491738784417710123">customsofficer</a> </li>
                    <li>{{random.choice(['.','•','☆','★'])}}&#9;Steam: <a href="https://steamcommunity.com/id/customso/">Customs Officer</a> </li>
                    <li>{{random.choice(['.','•','☆','★'])}}&#9;FlightRising: <a href="https://www1.flightrising.com/clan-profile/525948">Aristene</a> </li>
                </ul>
            </div>
@@ -38,9 +37,9 @@
            <div class="diary-box disclosure">
                <h2>disclosure</h2>
-                <p>Blessfrey.me has no sponsored posts or affiliate links.</p>
+                <p>Blessfrey.me has no sponsored posts or affiliate links. </p>
                <p>Blessfrey.me is not collecting personal information + has no cookies. </p>
-                <p>Thank you for visiting. </p>
+		<p>･｡･<i>Thank you for visiting</i>☄･｡ </p>
 <!--⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ＿＿<br>
 　　　　　／＞　　フ<br>
 　　　　　| 　_　 _ l<br>
@@ -1,6 +1,8 @@
 % rebase('frame.tpl')
 % import re
    <div class="content-grid"> 
    <!--<span class=title><h1>ﾟ･｡･read my {{category}}✧･ﾟﾟ･｡</h1></span>-->
 <!-- DIRECTORY -->
            <div class="diary-dir">
                % max_pages = int((total - 1) / limit)
@@ -91,7 +93,6 @@
 <!-- DIARY PAGES -->
            <div class="diary-pages">
    <span class=title><h1>{{category}}</h1></span>
                % for s in snippets[page * limit:page * limit + limit]:
                <div class="snippet">
                    <div class="snippet-title">
@@ -102,7 +103,10 @@
                        • <b>{{!s[2]}}</b>
                    </div>
                    <div class="snippet-content">
                    	<div class="snippet-content-text">
                        {{!s[1]}} 
                        <a href={{s[3]}} rel="nofollow">read more</a>
                        </div>
                    </div>
                    % if len(s[5]) >= 1:
                        <div class=snippet-tags>
@@ -114,12 +118,9 @@
                            % end
                        </div>
                        % end
                    <div class="social-line">
                        <a class="social-link social-twitter" href='http://twitter.com/share?text={{s[4]}}&url=https://blessfrey.me{{s[3]}}&via=lilchimchooree' target="_blank">tweet</a> 
                    </div>
                    <div class="snippet-link">
                        <a href={{s[3]}}>
-                            <img src="/static/img/dia/diaryreadmore.png" alt="read more">
+                            <!--<img src="/static/img/dia/diaryreadmore.png" alt="read more">-->
                        </a>
                    </div>
                    <div class="snippet-bottom">
@@ -26,8 +26,6 @@
            % end
        </div>
        <div class="share-links">
        </div>
        <br>
    </div>
@@ -9,7 +9,7 @@
 <body>
 <div class="grid">
-    <div class="top">.            ★.        . <a href="/">blessfrey.me</a> ..          ☆        .</div>
+    <div class="top">.            ★.        . <a href="/">blessfrey.me</a> &nbsp;> {{category}} ..          ☆        .</div>
 {{!base}}
@@ -1,15 +1,15 @@
 % rebase('frame.tpl')
    <div class="content-grid"><div class="center">
-        <h1>blue planet</h1>
+        <h2>Blue Planet</h2>
            <iframe src="https://itch.io/embed-upload/9791548?color=ba3fa8" allowfullscreen="" width="1024" height="640" frameborder="0"><a href="https://chimchooree.itch.io/blue-planet">Play Blue Planet on itch.io</a></iframe>
-        <h2>game guide</h2>
+        <h3>game guide</h3>
            <p>Basically, I love the Girls Mode DS games and want to make my own. This is a prototype, but it'd be cool if there were lots of clients with a preference profile that you learn over time through their requests and responses. And lots of clothes with internal style tags that correspond to their needs and aesthetics. Girls Mode also has a lifesim where you make money from your stylist job that you can spend on your room and dates and stuff, but that's outside of my scope. </p>
            <p>Most old Western dressup games were mechanically simple - just dress up a croquis and screenshot your art. The Diva Starz dressup game was kinda like my concept, though. The girls would request an outfit for a party or new winter clothes or something, then you could style the girls however you want and either meet their expectations or make them complain. It was a doll game, so of course the "win/lose" conditions were pretty shallow, but the girls' ability to evaluate the vibe and appropriateness of an outfit made up of so many options blew my mind as a kid. Honestly, Animal Crossing is the only other game I've encountered like this. Gigi some </p>  
            <p>This prototype was released July 26, 2019.</p>
-    <h3>Controls ... Just click on stuff with your mouse or finger. </h3>
+    <h4>Controls ... Just click on stuff with your mouse or finger. </h4>
-    <h2>Credits</h2>
+    <h3>Credits</h3>
 <ul>
    <li>coding + art by chimchooree</li>
    <li>Hosting: itch.io</li>
@@ -1,16 +1,16 @@
 % rebase('frame.tpl')
    <div class="content-grid"><div class="center">
-        <h1>CheeryOS</h1>
+        <h2>CheeryOS</h2>
            <iframe src="https://itch.io/embed-upload/9784873?color=191b32" allowfullscreen="" width="1024" height="620" frameborder="0"><a href="https://chimchooree.itch.io/cheeryos">Play CheeryOS on itch.io</a></iframe>
-        <h2>game guide</h2>
+        <h3>game guide</h3>
            <p>I recommend playing in full-screen. </p>
            <p>A pretend OS! It's barely more than a mockup, but I find it very cute and would like to add lots of apps and widgets to it. My most ambitious dream for it is integrating CatChat with a chat AI. Now that OpenAI has an accessible API, maybe it's more possible than ever. </p>
            <p>This game was released November 26, 2020.</p>
-    <h3>Controls - just click on things with your mouse or finger. </h3>
+    <h4>Controls - just click on things with your mouse or finger. </h4>
 <ul>
-    <h2>Credits</h2>
+    <h3>Credits</h3>
 <ul>
    <li>coding + art by chimchooree</li>
@@ -1,14 +1,14 @@
 % rebase('frame.tpl')
    <div class="content-grid"><div class="center">
-        <h1>no-legs the cat</h1>
+        <h2>No-Legs the Cat</h2>
        <iframe src="https://itch.io/embed-upload/6141043?color=333333" allowfullscreen="" width="1024" height="620" frameborder="0"><a href="https://chimchooree.itch.io/legless-the-cat">Play Legless the Cat on itch.io</a></iframe>
-        <h2>game guide</h2>
+        <h3>game guide</h3>
            <p>Poltics Cat lost his legs!! Push him around using WASD to find them. Eat any breakfasts you can find along the way!</p>
            <p>In case it isn't obvious, this is a crude maze constructed from the infamous 'godot heads'. Click the game to make it active then control kitty using W A S D or arrow keys to find all three breakfasts and his missing legs. His breakfast counter is in the top-right corner. After you win, you can continue to wander the maze aimlessly. Refresh the page to start over.</p>
            <p>His real life counterpart has food anxiety or something, so he likes to have both his meals as early as possible in the day, hence "two breakfasts." A few times, he bamboozled us into thinking he hasn't been fed yet for a bonus THIRD breakfasts! (Bad cat.) </p>
            <p>This game was released July 15, 2022.</p>
-    <h2>Credits</h2>
+    <h3>Credits</h3>
 <ul>
    <li>coding + art by chimchooree</li>
    <li>Tools: Godot Engine 3.0.6, Krita</li>
@@ -1,20 +1,20 @@
 % rebase('frame.tpl')
    <div class="content-grid"><div class="center">
-        <h1>stoplight</h1>
+        <h2>Stoplight</h2>
            <iframe frameborder="0" src="https://itch.io/embed-upload/6263420?color=333333" allowfullscreen="" width="800" height="620"><a href="https://chimchooree.itch.io/stoplight">Play stoplight on itch.io</a></iframe>
-        <h2>game guide</h2>
+        <h3>game guide</h3>
            <p>Co-routines give you the power to change the light! Watch how player input disrupts the stoplight's schedule. Push the walk button to skip a phase. Or wait until the phase times out. </p>
 	<p>This is just a small project to get more comfortable with yields in Godot Engine.
 	<p>This game was released June 5, 2019.</p>
-	<h2>code</h2>
+	<h3>code</h3>
-	<h3>node hierarchy</h3>
+	<h4>node hierarchy</h4>
 	<a target="_blank" href="/static/img/game/SL_GodotEngine.png">
 		<img src="/static/img/game/SL_GodotEngine.png" alt="Screenshot: Godot Engine editor">
 	</a>
-	<h3>Main.gd</h3>
+	<h4>Main.gd</h4>
 	<pre><code>
 extends Node
@@ -52,7 +52,7 @@ func _on_WalkButton_gui_input(event):
 </code></pre>
-	<h3>Label.gd</h3>
+	<h4>Label.gd</h4>
 	<pre><code>
 extends Label
 var time_start = 0
@@ -70,7 +70,7 @@ func _process(delta):
 	var str_elapsed = "%02d" % [seconds]
 	text = str(str_elapsed)
 </code></pre>
-    <h2>Credits</h2>
+    <h3>Credits</h3>
 <ul>
    <li>coding + art by chimchooree</li>
    <li>Tools: Godot Engine 3.0.6, Krita</li>
@@ -1,14 +1,14 @@
 % rebase('frame.tpl')
    <div class="content-grid"><div class="center">
-        <h1>small thing that makes things</h1>
+        <h2>Small Thing That Makes Things</h2>
            <iframe src="https://itch.io/embed-upload/1298547?color=060504" allowfullscreen="" width="1024" height="620" frameborder="0"><a href="https://chimchooree.itch.io/small-thing-that-makes-things">Play Small Thing That Makes Things on itch.io</a></iframe>
-        <h2>game guide</h2>
+        <h3>game guide</h3>
            <p>Play as the accountant of an overcrowded shelter on the edge of bankruptcy. Government grants and private donors have failed you. Now, you must get your feet on the ground and uncover the truth of the recent explosion of the local stray population.</p>
            <p>Made for Weekly Game Jam 85 hosted by <a href="https://retroindiejosh.itch.io/">Retro Indie Josh</a> and streamed on his twitch. It's a shallow adventure platformer without much challenge, but it does have two endings. When you fall in the cave, you can jump on some of the stones in the background. It is VERY low contrast on every screen but the one I made it on. I promise you can escape, no matter how impossible it seems. Jump by faith and you will make it. </p>
            <p>This game was released March 1, 2019.</p>
-    <h3>Controls. I only tested keyboard and maaybee XBOX 360. </h3>
+    <h4>Controls. I only tested keyboard and maaybee XBOX 360. </h4>
 <ul>
    <li>Up - W, Up Arrow, Up stick </li>
    <li>Left - A, Left Arrow, Left Stick </li>
@@ -18,14 +18,14 @@
    <li>Jump - E, XBOX Y, PS triangle </li>
 </ul>
 <ul>
-    <h3>Characters</h3>
+    <h4>Characters</h4>
 <ul>
    <li>Hamish T. Elwell - The hero accountant. Alma mater, University of Chicago. </li>
    <li>Candice Steele - Head dog catcher. Took the position to make a difference. </li>
    <li>Small Thing - Easily excited but also easily bored. </li>
    <li>Julian Waits - The ice cream man. His first big reinvestment will go to a stall. </li>
 </ul>
-    <h2>Credits</h2>
+    <h3>Credits</h3>
 <ul>
    <li>coding + art by chimchooree</li>
@@ -1,14 +1,14 @@
 % rebase('frame.tpl')
    <div class="content-grid"><div class="center">
-        <h1>thunderspy</h1>
+        <h2>Thunderspy</h2>
 	<p>My husband and some other online volunteers work on <b><a href="https://thunderspy.net/">Thunderspy</a>, a City of Heroes private server</b>. I don't contribute very much, but might as well keep everything here! </p>
-	<h2>What is Thunderspy? </h2>
+	<h3>What is Thunderspy? </h3>
            <p>City of Heroes is a retro superhero MMO from the days before all online games became World of Warcraft copycats. </p>
-            <p>It still has the best character creator of all time. I never played on the live servers, but it was very popular with my artist and writer friends. It also has a unique pet class with programmable macros, so my Guild Wars friends who mained Necromancer often also played the City of Heroes Mastermind. </p>
+            <p>It still has the best character creator of all time. I never played on the live servers, but it was very popular with my artist and writer friends. Thunderspy's always adding new costume pieces and cute events and stuff, too. </p>
-            <p>I recommend it. It's easy fun in a big group and has pretty cool settings and lore for solo exploration. Thunderspy's always adding new costume pieces and cute events and stuff, too. </p>
+            <p>It also has a unique pet class with programmable macros, so my Guild Wars friends who mained Necromancer often also played the City of Heroes Mastermind. I always wanted to play it, but it was p2p, and I was happy sticking with Guild Wars. Now that I can finally play, it's not very fun to me haha but whatever. I like following the in-game story and all the factions in Praetoria and First Ward.  </p>
-        <h2>How do I play? </h2>
+        <h3>How do I play? </h3>
            <p>Go to <a href="https://thunderspy.net/">Thunderspy</a>, make an account, download Sweet Tea, add the thunderspy manifest, and play! Everything you need is on the website. </p>
        <h2>Anyway, here's some of my media, edits, and screenshots. </h2>
@@ -17,17 +17,17 @@
 	<center><img src="/static/img/game/TS_sweettea.png" alt="(image: Step 1: Download Sweet Tea. Step 2: No need to add a manifest. Step 3: Validate. Step 4: Launch. City of Heroes has never been sweeter. )" width="500" height="223.77"></center> <br>	
-        <h2>My characters </h2>
+        <h3>My characters </h3>
 	<center><img src="/static/img/game/TS_CatMan.png" alt="(image: My cat Praetorian. Ever see loose dollars on the ground? It's his money! Do the right thing and return it to him. )" width="500" height="223.77"></center> <br>	
 	<center><img src="/static/img/game/TS_Kabuto.png" alt="(image: My giant villain beetle. How did it get so huge? Baffles the world scientist. )" width="500" height="223.77"></center> <br>	
 	<center><img src="/static/img/game/TS_Gargoyle.png" alt="(image: My gargoyle Praetorian. A creature of pure duty, honor, and justice. Every time I log in, he is perching on top of something really tall. )" width="500" height="223.77"></center> <br>
 	<center><img src="/static/img/game/TS_Martin.png" alt="(image: My Oblivion knock-off Praetorian. An unknown heir to the throne? The countess of Bruma won't like this! )" width="500" height="223.77"></center> <br>	
-        <h2>Playing with textures </h2>
+        <h3>Playing with textures </h3>
 	<center><img src="/static/img/game/TS_PlanetFitness.png" alt="(image: Retextured some of the cars to have the Planet Fitness decals. )" width="500" height="223.77"></center> <br>	
-        <h2>Fighting the AI upscales on Reddit </h2>
+        <h3>Fighting the AI upscales on Reddit </h3>
 	<p>So City of Heroes has the best character customization of any game of all time, so naturally people like to share their costumes and character stories on the City of Heroes subreddit. Some people even draw their characters or make little Photoshop edits. It's cute, honestly. </p>
 	<p>Then, around May 2024, an aggressive trend of AI upscales took over. They take so little effort to produce (literally only need to upload your screenshot from the character selection screen and press "enhance") that they easily snuffed out any creative posts. This deeply annoyed users. </p> 
@@ -45,5 +45,5 @@
 	<p>It's funny because it's so far from the truth. I sighed such a deep sigh of relief when the one guy about my age left the gym as I was entering. I mean, I had to do my duty, so I'd diligently punch 20 Reddit posts in front of anyone. But I'd way rather have the gym to myself! </p>
 	<p>I almost got my wish, too, then a lady about my mom's age walks in and uses the treadmill right next to the elliptical I was about to tape up. Despite the wild energy of the photos, those were taken very sheepishly! </p>
 	<p>I got the effect I wanted, though! No one posted AI at all for months outside of my easily ignored thread, and they only did so in attempt to rile me up! By the time the shock subsided, the trend was getting old for people anyway. </p>
-	<p>Take that, random Reddit mod. There's no substitute for good old fashioned bullying. </p>
+	<p>Take that, Xerephus. There's no substitute for good old fashioned bullying. </p>
    </div></div>
@@ -1,8 +1,7 @@
 % rebase('frame.tpl')
    <div class="content-grid"><div class="center">
-        <h1>blessfrey games</h1>
+        <h2>Blessfrey Games</h2>
-            <p>I've been making games since high school, and sometimes I actually release them. Most are in Godot Engine, but since I make games as a way of learning to program, I have games floating around out there in git and Dropbox in lots of languages. </p>
+            <p>I've been making games since high school, and sometimes I actually release them. Most are in Godot Engine, but since I make games as a way of learning to program, I have games floating around out there in git and Dropbox in lots of languages. I hope I can find a good version of Blessfrey to put up and start learning Godot 4 soon haha... </p>
            <p>Also check out my <a href="/gdd">game design document</a> and <a href="/milestones">feature requirement</a> pages to learn about my games-in-progress. </p>
 	<div class="games-grid">
 	<a href="/thunderspy">
@@ -5,15 +5,15 @@
        </div>
        <div class="content-right">
            <div class="intro">
-                <h2>hello,</h2>
+                <h2>Hello,</h2>
-                <p>call me chimchooree.</p>
+                <p>call me chimchooree. Or the other 50 usernames I've used over the years. </p>
-                <p>I live in the USA and love to learn! Sometimes I post my writing, art, and code here like a portfolio. Other projects may be lurking on <a href="https://chimchooree.itch.io/">itch.io (chimchooree)</a> and <a href="https://gitlab.com/chimchooree">GitLab (chimchooree)</a>, though most are locked away forever on some hard drive somewhere. </p>
+                <p>I live in the USA and love to learn! Sometimes I post my writing, art, and code here like a portfolio. Other projects may be lurking on <a href="https://chimchooree.itch.io/">itch.io (chimchooree)</a> and <a href="https://gitlab.com/chimchooree">GitLab (chimchooree)</a>, though most are locked away forever on some hard drive or cloud thing somewhere. </p>
                <p>Blessfrey.me is a project in itself, a blog coded from scratch in <a href="https://bottlepy.org/docs/dev/">Bottle: Python</a>, <a href="https://bottlepy.org/docs/dev/stpl.html">SimpleTemplate</a>, and HTML+CSS. Any embedded applications are probably HTML5 and developed in <a href="https://godotengine.org/">Godot Engine</a>. </p>
                <p>If you don't mind, pray for me. I am very sick. </p>
                <h3>contact</h3>
                <ul>
                    <li>{{random.choice(['.','•','☆','★'])}}&#9;Discord: <a href="https://discordapp.com/users/491738784417710123">customsofficer</a> </li>
                    <li>{{random.choice(['.','•','☆','★'])}}&#9;Steam: <a href="https://steamcommunity.com/id/customso/">Customs Officer</a> </li>
                    <li>{{random.choice(['.','•','☆','★'])}}&#9;FlightRising: <a href="https://www1.flightrising.com/clan-profile/525948">Aristene</a> </li>
                </ul>
                <!--<form action="/contact" method="post">
Author	SHA1	Message	Date
chimchooree	700d265809	diary	2025-02-07 15:04:35 -06:00
grid	f2fd9023b6	diary	2025-02-06 14:32:18 -06:00
grid	2938b8ee71	Merge branch 'master' of https://git.socklab.moe/chimchooree/blessfrey-bottle	2025-01-08 13:04:04 -06:00
grid	39c806d19d	css, remove min width on entry	2025-01-08 13:03:47 -06:00
chimchooree	d7aa93e5e9	diary	2025-01-08 01:16:26 -06:00
grid	6685caba03	css, diary	2025-01-06 20:26:27 -06:00
grid	c404cf7077	css rework - diary and entry	2025-01-06 18:15:58 -06:00
grid	5f3a0d10f3	working on css for website	2024-12-30 19:38:08 -06:00
grid	528dfa2508	diary	2024-12-30 16:19:48 -06:00
grid	4b62304b4c	fixing website	2024-12-30 15:05:36 -06:00